


The Cicatrix Assimilation

by PrePsychPineappleLover



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Major Illness, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22861855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrePsychPineappleLover/pseuds/PrePsychPineappleLover
Summary: This is set sometime after 11x10 "The Confidence Erosion". When suddenly Amy's health is hanging by a thread, and after yet another wedding disagreement, Sheldon realizes what really matters on his big day and how far he's able to go to save the one he loves.
Relationships: Sheldon Cooper/Amy Farrah Fowler
Comments: 16
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story will contain medical talk and other sciency-stuff which I actually don't understand. So, I hope you're not mad at me if you're a doctor and I got things wrong, hahaha. ;)  
> I hope you'll enjoy this Shamy story...

It started like it always did for them.

There was something she was excited about and he dismissed it with barely even a sentence. Preferably using his fairly new skill of sarcasm. It wasn’t yet a fight, simply a disagreement, smoldering over the course of the day just waiting to boil over.

She tried to find new ways to approach the topic, to make him see the advantages. Sometimes he had to admit that she had some valid points, but more often it was his stubbornness which eventually turned it into a fight.

“Sheldon, you’re being impossible about this!” Amy stressed finally.

“I’m impossible?” Sheldon shot back. “What’s truly impossible is rather your crazy notion to have an outdoor wedding.”

“What’s so crazy about it?”

Sheldon rolled his eyes. “Do I really need to repeat myself?” he turned away from the mirror where he had groomed his hair impeccably straight during their on-going conversation. “There is wind, dirt, the possibility of wild birds, bees, butterflies and other uncontrollable insects. Strangers could drop into our ceremony with no walls to keep them at bay. It could be raining. Leonard could have an asthma attack. Penny would definitely fall off the cliff due to too much wine consumption and most importantly… I don’t want to.”

In a huff, Amy stood up from the closed toilet seat where she had been sitting to put on her new orthopedic shoes that she bought to at least be closer to her fiancé’s eye level. “Okay, first of all, we could close up the premises so no one could just “drop in”. Leonard’s asthma can be triggered by a lot of things and not specifically by too much fresh air of all things. I already gave up on the cliff wedding due to your fear of heights and if we refrained from doing anything you simply don’t want to do then we probably wouldn’t even be getting married!”

She rushed out of the tiny bathroom, Sheldon right on her heels. They continued to move around each other in perfect correspondency as they were getting ready for dinner. It was Thursday night – date night – and this time they were meeting up with Leonard and Penny.

“That’s not true and you know it.” Sheldon reminded his agitated bride-to-be. “I was the one who proposed. Have you forgotten?”

“Well, at this point I’m wondering if you just go through with this because your need for closure wouldn’t allow anything else or if you really doing it out of love.”

Sheldon gasped, staring at her reflection in the full-length mirror as she put on her cardigan. “Amy! What an outrageous assumption!”

She sighed, turning around. “I’m sorry. I’m angry, and also a little desperate, to be honest. I’m running out of arguments here. You do realize that I already made so many compromises in your favor that it’s starting to feel as if it’s _your_ wedding and not _ours_ anymore?”

“Strongly disagreeing.” Sheldon said. “I made a lot of compromises, too. I consented to a first dance, to not make our wedding party dress up as members of the Starfleet and I’m forgoing vows in Klingon even though no other language can possibly be more romantic. Need I say more?”

“No.” Amy grumbled.

“So you agree to a safe, indoor wedding?”

“Only as long as you make a sensible suggestion for a location that we can both agree on.”

Sheldon groaned. “I made plenty of suggestions. How is it my fault that you’re impossible to please?”

“And we’re back to square one.” Amy remarked. “You’re impossible to please, too.”

Silence settled over them as they came to a halt in their preparations. Standing directly in front of each other, they took in the others appearance. Amy reached up to smooth the collar of Sheldon’s dress shirt. Sheldon removed and then reapplied Amy’s hair clip to tame a strand that had loosened.

They were perfectly in time. They were dressed flawlessly. And, without the underlying tension of this fight, they also would have had matching smiles.

Though, their frowns were matching, too.

Sheldon cocked his head to the side, wondering. “Amy, how come we’re astonishingly similar to each other and at the same time the way we view certain things couldn’t be any more different?”

Amy curled her lip in thought of a good answer. “I guess that’s what makes love so complicated sometimes… but we’re standing above those disagreements… right?”

“Right.” Sheldon replied after a second of hesitation.

Amy checked her watch. “It’s time to go over to Leonard and Penny to see if they’re ready.”

Sheldon snorted in contempt. “They’re probably not even dressed yet. Unlike us, they are unable to be punctual. I wouldn’t be surprised if they have forgotten about our date night altogether.”

They made their way through their shared apartment in 4B. Amy grabbed her purse and turned to Sheldon again before exiting out the door. “Hey, uhm, could we try not to let on about the stress we’re having with our wedding plans? After we bragged so much about how perfectly conformable we are with every decision this will certainly offer them opportunities for snide comments and I really don’t want to talk about the wedding for once. I just want to have a nice time with my friends.”

Sheldon nodded curtly and held the door for her. “Very well.” They knocked at 4A. “Who is sick of the wedding now?” he added arrogantly just before Penny opened the door with a broad smile, giving Amy no chance to reply.

“Hi.” the blonde said cheerfully. “Just in time as always, guys. Give us five more minutes and we’re ready to go.”

* * *

The air was thick; the tension perceptible. Leonard and Penny sat side by side at one end of the table, Sheldon and Amy across from them. The first mentioned couple exchanged a worried glance. Their weird, lovable friends hadn’t spoken more than the required set phrases, shied away from eye-contact and both picked at their food with an irritating level of concentration.

“So…” Penny tentatively broke the silence. “How’s the wedding coming along?”

A bit too loudly, Amy’s fork clattered against the plate as she looked up and shared a quick warning glance with Sheldon. “Fine.” she said sharply. “Everything is coming along just fine.” Amy focused back on her salad even though she realized she didn’t even like the taste of it.

“Really?” Leonard asked shyly. “Because there’s nothing shameful about disagreeing in a few points. Remember, Penny and I took over a year before we could decide for a date and Howard and Bernadette’s wedding didn’t go exactly as planned, either.”

“Yeah,” Penny agreed. “The important thing is that, in the end, it’s worth all the endless arguments. When the day finally comes it suddenly doesn’t matter anymore if it’s the big dream wedding or an impromptu ceremony in Vegas.” she joked, reminiscing of her own wedding day.

Sheldon snorted haughtily, which was a cue for Amy that her fiancé was about to say something thoughtless. He spoke before she could stop him.

“Oh, sure, let’s forget about the fact that we could get soaking wet or that bees might chase us down the cliff. As long as it’s _romantic_ there can be absolutely no harm.” Sheldon said sarcastically.

“Stop referring to the cliff. I said I don’t need to have a cliff wedding anymore.” Amy growled through clenched teeth.

“So it’s about the location?” Penny asked, hoping to get more information out of the couple so she could offer some advice.

“Yes, would you please support me in depicting to Amy the advantages of indoor weddings?” Sheldon requested.

Giving up on the fact that they would handle their argument discreetly, Amy shot back, “Oh, yeah, let’s give him even _more_ things to control. First the dance then the centerpieces, the cake, and now the location. Why even bother considering my wishes when Sheldon Cooper conducts the perfect wedding to marry himself. What happened to you letting me do all the details?”

“I tried to. But your ideas are the realizations of my nightmares!” Sheldon stressed. “I’m not controlling everything; you had the last word on all of those things you mentioned. All I’m asking of you is finding a safer place to hold the ceremony.”

Amy and Sheldon faced each other in anger. They had stopped eating altogether, as have Leonard and Penny and the whole restaurant, because their rising voices carried over to even the most secluded part of the dining area.

“Do you have any idea how much work it is to find anything that would comply to _your_ wishes?” Amy asked, exasperated. “It can’t be near a fault line because you’re afraid that an earthquake will suddenly strike, it can’t be rooms with only one exit, because in case of an assault you need to be able to make a quick escape, it can’t be buildings too high above ground or with too many windows so you won’t be exposed to too much UV radiation, oh, and also every place that holds bad memories for you is out of the question and, given your eidetic memory, you have a lot of those!”

“Uhm, guys, you might want to keep it down.” Leonard chimed in, but the furious couple didn’t even acknowledge him.

“Excuse me, haven’t you just pointed out that you _wanted_ to make all those decisions?” Sheldon replied sharply.

“A little help would be nice! You know I’m also working on that project with Howard. I come home late every night and I don’t know what to do first! I feel like I’m losing my head!” Amy complained.

“You know what? It certainly looks that way, because you’re not making any sense.” Sheldon accused. “First, you claim that I control everything, and then that you’re upset that I’m not controlling enough. It’s like you can’t decide if you want my help or not. You need to make up your mind, woman!”

Amy wanted to reply, but found that her voice died in her throat. She felt tears pricking in the corners of her eyes and fought to keep them at bay. Sheldon’s intelligent blue eyes pierced her with logic and challenge and she felt herself in no condition to win anything with him right now. “Maybe you’re right.” she whispered, not sure anymore if it was the fight or her salad which left a bad, bitter taste in her mouth. “Maybe I should make up my mind if this is really worth the fight.”

The fiery blaze left Sheldon’s eyes in an instant and his shoulders slumped.

“Oh… no, no, guys.” Penny stuttered quickly. “Don’t make any rash decisions right now. That’s just the heat of the fight, Amy. You know you—“

“No, Penny, please. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Amy pleaded with barely held back quivering in her voice. “I’ve embarrassed myself enough for today.” she looked down at her weird-tasting meal, too stubborn to say something about it. “Let’s just eat and then go home. I need to… think things over.”

Sheldon opened his mouth, but his throat suddenly felt painfully dry. Leonard caught his gaze over the table and softly shook his head. Sheldon understood that he shouldn’t press further. He would have to wait until they reached the seclusion of their apartment to resolve this conflict.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! :)  
> Now, this is where the drama truly starts...

The rest of the evening remained tense.

Penny and Leonard tried to spark some lighter conversation, but they only succeeded when they addressed Amy or Sheldon separately. The soon-to-be married couple had stopped interacting with one another.

Although, Sheldon occasionally attempted to catch Amy’s gaze, sheepishly eyeing her from the corner of his eye, though she still ignored him.

Upon arrival at Los Robles Avenue, the mood still hadn’t changed and the foursome climbed the stairs in silence. Amy quickened her pace with the intent to slam the apartment door shut to be alone for a while. She knew Leonard and Penny would take Sheldon in, doubtlessly explaining to him why she was upset, because he clearly couldn’t figure it out on his own.

“Sweetie, wait.” she heard Penny call and the slim blonde caught up to her pace with ease, leaving the men to walk behind them. “Don’t be too hard on him… or on yourself, either. Weddings are stressful, but we’re all here to help you.”

“Thanks, Penny. But right now I just want to be alone for a while.” Amy pleaded, unavailingly trying to outrun her bestie. She was already out of breath, but was hardly walking much faster than she usually does. _Ugh, was it always this hard to breathe? I bet I would be faster with a figure like Penny’_ _s._

They rounded the corner on the second floor. “Okay, I get that.” Penny talked on. “Just don’t make any decisions you might regret later.”

Amy huffed. “I won’t— m-make… any rash… r-rash… wow.” Suddenly, Amy’s vision started to spin and she instinctively reached for the wall. _Darn it! I used to be in better shape,_ she thought angrily.

“You’re alright, Ames?” Penny asked, stopping next to her friend to steady her.

“Amy?” also spoke up the small voice from Sheldon behind them who now rounded the corner with Leonard. “What’s wrong?”

Amy took a few unsteady breaths through her nose and felt her heart beating in her throat. _Phew, is it just me or is it getting hot in here? This is weird; even if I climbed the stairs quicker than usual I shouldn’t be this jittery._

Despite her thoughts, Amy put on a straight face, determined not to show weakness when she was angry with Sheldon. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine. I just… walked too fast or something… the salad in the restaurant tasted a little funny, maybe that’s making me a bit queasy.” Amy remembered.

“Your salad? Why didn’t you say anything?” Sheldon lectured her again. “We could have asked the waiter to bring you a new one.”

Amy rolled her eyes and continued to walk up the stairs to evade her fiancé’s speech. “Yeah, right, as if we hadn’t made enough of a scene.”

“But Amy—“ he tried again.

“I’m fine!” she shot back and regretted it immediately. Raising one’s voice required more air and air was something that she was inexplicably short on at the moment. She felt her knees tremble and had to slow down, but she stubbornly didn’t stop walking completely. _The salad_ did _taste funny,_ she mused again _. Was something wrong with it?_

With great exertion she reached the third floor. She was audibly breathing hard when she used the wall to support herself while rounding the corner.

“Amy, maybe you should sit down for a bit. You don’t sound too good.” Penny said worriedly.

Amy took one… two more steps. “I-I’m f-f…” Her world swam in front of her eyes and then turned black. Penny shrieked next to her and then there was this brief sensation of falling… but someone caught her.

“Amy!” Sheldon called out and quickly took a step forward to catch her. His fiancée sank into his arms like dead weight, her face flushed and her breathing quick. “Amy, what is wrong with you? Are you hurt? Amy? Amy, talk to me!” Sheldon’s frantic questions remained unanswered as he struggled to keep her upright and eventually sat down on the second step with Amy pulled upon his lab. Her eyes were closed. Sheldon felt the first frightening signals of panic rising within him. _Oh, Lord, what is happening?_

“I’m calling 911.” Leonard announced, already fishing for his phone and punching in the three digits.

“Oh, my God, is this because she walked up the stairs too quickly?” Penny wondered almost hysterically as she knelt down a few steps above Sheldon and Amy.

“I don’t know.” Sheldon replied absently and touched Amy’s cheek. “Amy, can you hear me? Please, can you open your eyes?” he pleaded with her.

“Her face is red. Maybe I should go and get some cold towels.” Penny volunteered.

Deep down Sheldon knew Penny meant well, but she was getting on his nerves. She stated the obvious and then asked him questions that he didn’t know the answer to for once. And that frightened him. If _he_ didn’t know the answer then who else would? _Amy would know… but Amy is… good gracious, what_ is _wrong with her?_ “ She’s not feeling hot.” Sheldon noticed. “It’s more like a cold sweat.”

“Okay, then maybe a blanket?”

“I don’t know!” Sheldon repeated, but this time he was shouting. His blue eyes pierced Penny with fear and desperation. “Penny, I don’t know what to do!” he stressed again completely lost in this sudden, horrible situation that he found himself in. _How could this happen so fast? What can I do to help? What can I do to make her feel better?_

Upon Sheldon’s shout Leonard looked up from his phone call, frowning even more with worry for both of his friends. Penny swallowed her irritation at being yelled at and instead laid a hand upon Sheldon’s shaking shoulder. “Okay, calm down. Just hold her. Maybe we should lay her down on the floor and put her feet up. Will you help me with that?”

Sheldon stared at her. “Yeah… okay.” he nodded mechanically. “That sounds reasonable.”

With his arms under Amy’s shoulders and Penny’s hands under her knees they laid Amy flat on her back. Penny knelt down to support Amy’s feet upon her legs while Sheldon crouched down next to her and held her hand tightly. Suddenly, Amy stirred.

“Amy.” Sheldon breathed. “I’m here. Can you hear me, darlin’?”

She actually managed a weak smile at the rare use of a pet name for her, but then her face twisted again in confusion and discomfort.

“Ambulance will be here in five minutes. I’ll go down and lead them up.” A voice announced, but Sheldon hardly took notice of who had been spoken. Amy was trying to talk, but the words didn’t seem to make it past her lips.

“What is it? What are you trying to say?” Sheldon asked.

Amy’s eyes intensely looked up at him; determination concealed the underlying fear behind them. _Her eyes are so green and beautiful,_ Sheldon marveled and then blinked as he realized how odd it was to think about her eyes in a stressful situation like this _._ Amy moaned a little and moved her lips, instantly bringing him back from his musing. “Amy, please. Talk to me.” he begged again. ~~~~

She squeezed his hand, holding onto it like a lifeline. “Sh-Sh… Shel… al-l... aller… a-av… a…”

Sheldon lowered his ear to her mouth, desperately trying to make sense of her stuttering. “What? I-I don’t understand.” Sheldon’s voice trembled nervously. He felt like such a fool. _Why can’t I understand? I_ always _understand!_ Amy’s eyes lost focus of him; her eyelids fluttered. “No, no! Stay with me, Amy. Look at me. The doctors will be here soon. Just stay with me, please.”

Sheldon cupped his hand against her cheek. He brushed her hair from her face, trying to make her concentrate on him. But she just couldn’t. It was like her soul was flying away from her and she kept looking without recognizing him anymore. Eventually, her tired, unseeing eyes rolled back into her head and her lids mercilessly closed over them.

_No!_ Sheldon’s fluttering heart screamed at him. “Amy? Amy!” he called loudly, overwhelming fear spiraled up until his voice broke out of control. “No, no, no, this can’t happen! Not to you, Amy. You have to wake up. Y-You… you have to…” Wide-eyed, he stared at Penny as panic grabbed at his throat and squeezed without remorse. His heart was beating so fast that he could feel it hammering against the restriction of his rib cage.

“No, don’t you dare freak out on me Sheldon Cooper!” Penny commanded harshly and reached for Sheldon’s arm to squeeze it. “She will be alright. I won’t let anything happen to either of you, okay? Just hold her until the paramedics come.” Just then Sheldon heard Leonard’s voice three floors down and heavy footsteps stomping up. “See, Leonard’s coming with the paramedics. She will be fine.”

Sheldon could only watch on, paralyzed, as the uniformed men immediately knelt down to his Amy and shot several questions his way. He couldn’t answer one of them. His throat was dry, his brain gaping empty for the first time in his whole life. Panic still held him firmly in its grip, playing just one train of thought in constant loops. _Amy isn’t moving. Amy is lying on the ground. Amy was angry with me. Amy thought about not wanting to marry me anymore. Amy isn’t moving!_

“What happened?”

“She felt dizzy. She was breathing very hard.”

“All of a sudden she just passed out. We don’t know why. She seemed fine before.”

Sheldon listened as his friends answered for him. Somehow he was hearing them and at the same time not hearing them. His vision blurred at the edges, leaving only Amy visible in his line of sight. _This can’t be real. No, it must be a horrible…_ horrible _nightmare. No bad things can happen to my Amy. Not to my dearest, smartest, loveliest Amy._

“What’s with him? What is his relation to her?” one paramedic, a burly man with sandy blonde hair, asked.

“She’s his fiancée.” Leonard answered just before Sheldon blinked himself rapidly out of his shocked state.

“I have to go with her.” Sheldon blurted out as Amy’s stretcher was lifted and carefully carried down the stairs. “I can’t leave her alone.”

“Buddy, are you sure? You know how you feel about hospitals. Penny or I could—“

“No! I don’t care.” Sheldon interrupted his best friend. “I have to stay with her.”

“Okay, you can drive with us,” the paramedic said, “if you stay out of our way and can provide more information about her medical history. Can you do that?”

“Yes, I can.” Sheldon confirmed and quickly followed the paramedics and Amy downstairs.

“Don’t worry, buddy. We’re right behind you.” Leonard said and patted Sheldon’s back before he and Penny made their way to his car.

* * *

There wasn’t much room in the ambulance. Several tubes and wires were hanging on the walls and running along the floor. Amy was pulled in on her stretcher and two paramedics followed and started to attach her to several of these wires. Machines started beeping and they were far from being in sync. The doors closed with a loud bang, the engine reeved up and the siren started blaring.

Without any windows in the back, the ride was making him sick. The urge to throw up was overwhelming, but that could actually be caused by several things next to the car ride. His claustrophobia, for example. Or his fear of needles. Or the fact that Amy was still unconscious _._

_Listing things that you’re afraid of certainly won’t improve your panic,_ he scolded himself.

Not knowing what else to do to keep himself grounded, Sheldon reached for Amy’s hand again, intertwined her fingers with his and used his other hand to ball her hand to a fist. As if she was squeezing him back. As if she was awake and trying to calm _him_.

“Sir… Sir, can you tell me your name?” Mr. Sandy-hair, his name tag said ‘Lindsey’, asked the ghostly pale physicist.

“C-Cooper. Dr. Sheldon Cooper.” Sheldon stuttered, barely able to avert his gaze from Amy’s still form.

“Okay, Dr. Cooper, please tell me, has your fiancée mentioned any kind of illness or pain?”

“She… she said she was fine.” Sheldon said slowly, much too slowly for his own ears. It was like he had to think hard about every word he phrased. “She was angry with me and she practically ran up the stairs and suddenly she grew unsteady and she fell.”

“Anything else?”

A pause of thinking. _Why am I thinking so slowly!?_ Sheldon inwardly yelled at himself. “We went out. She said… oh, she said her salad tasted weird.”

“Okay, good to know. What about her medical history? Has she any medicine intolerances?”

“N-No. Not that I know of… wait, there’s a type of antibiotic that she can’t handle. It has to be listed in her medical record.”

“Good, we’ll be checking that as soon as—“

In that moment something terrifying happened. Up until this point Sheldon was sure he could only endure so much stress… but then there was a suck in of air from Amy and suddenly her chest was heaving abnormally fast. Her lips were turning blue.

“Amy!” Sheldon involuntary pressed out in shock.

“Oxygen and blood pressure level is sinking. Damn, her airways are closing up. Give me some adrenaline.” Lindsey ordered his colleague.

Sheldon could feel how his own lungs were refusing to take in air. Amy’s body was twitching and fighting to breathe. Her desperation scared him… no, _terrified_ him; it terrified him to no end. She had to breathe. Absolutely had to! Paralyzed with fear he watched as Amy was given an adrenaline shot. The heaving slowly lessened, but she was still breathing heavily.

Then after a short while, Amy’s face turned red and she started sweating profusely. Lindsey now asserted that the blood pressure had suddenly skyrocketed and gave her something to get it down. But not long after that, the whole cycle started anew and Amy was heaving and gasping for air again.

Sheldon’s whole body trembled and shook. Every time they applied the needle to Amy’s perfect, pale skin it was like ice picks pierced his heart, leaving him cold and shaking and nauseous. “What is happening?” he screamed at the medical staff, while brushing away Amy’s sweaty, dark hair.

Lindsey’s only answer was for their driver to step on the gas.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter. It would be great if you let me know what you think at the end...

“What do we have here?”

“Female patient, thirty-five years old. She fainted while walking up the stairs and stayed unresponsive while staff was on location. Possible food poisoning, but we can’t seem to get her blood pressure under control. She showed signs of pronounced dyspnea, but adrenaline makes her hypertensive and it’s getting worse.”

“Okay, get her into the ER. What’s with him?”

 _Him_ , referring to Sheldon, who stood in the middle of the white-walled hospital completely lost, staring after the doctors rushing a gurney through the doors to the ER.

Rushing _Amy_ through the doors to the ER.

“He’s the fiancé. He probably needs tending until his friends arrive, he’s very distraught.”

“Okay, you sit here. A nurse will be with you soon.”

“No!” Sheldon finally interrupted all the rapid-fire medical chit-chat. “I need to be with Amy.”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but we can’t allow that.” The doctor who admitted them apologized. “She needs to go to the emergency room.” He turned his head and waved a young woman over. “Nurse!”

“No, you don’t understand! Don’t leave her alone!” Sheldon yelled after the swinging ER doors. His mind echoed just as loud: _“Don’t leave_ me _alone!”_

Sheldon remembered fighting the woman that came close to him to calm him… to touch him. He lashed out, not hurting her, but attracting enough attention so that much stronger male staff came rushing in to help the nurse. He remembered screaming and then he must have fainted.

When Sheldon reopened his eyes he lay on a bed in the outpatient department with Leonard and Penny’s worried faces looking down at him.

“My God, Sweetie, are you alright?” Penny asked with fear edged in her voice.

Sheldon blinked a few times until the haze cleared… then he jerked up, almost bumping together with Leonard’s head. “Amy! They took her to the ER. They couldn’t find out what’s wrong with her. She couldn’t breathe. I have to—“

“Easy there.” Leonard cut him off and put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “They had to sedate you. Move slowly so you won’t get dizzy.”

“And breathe. Calm, slow breaths.” Penny added.

Begrudgingly, Sheldon did as he was told to even though his feet itched to carry him away from here and towards Amy. “Any word from the doctors yet? How long was I unconscious?”

“Not long. We just got here. And no, nothing yet.” Penny said.

“What happened in the ambulance? The nurse at the desk couldn’t tell us anything.” Leonard chimed in and worriedly played with his fingernails.

“I don’t know… _they_ don’t know.” Sheldon stressed angrily. “They kept injecting Amy, but that only made her face red or her lips blue and… s-she couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t even answer their questions properly, my mind was… so damn… slow… and empty.” Sheldon balled his fists, despising himself for his weakness and his panic attack.

_Would the roles be reversed, Amy would be so much stronger than me._

“Oh, Sheldon, don’t beat yourself up.” Leonard consoled his friend. “There was nothing you could do. It wouldn’t have made a difference if we had been there. We have to leave it to the doctors to find out what’s wrong. And they will… they have to.”

Sheldon’s face paled even further. Giving up control, trusting on someone else’s abilities was nothing he did lightly. He felt his heart rate pick up again at an alarming speed as one horrible thought kept haunting his mind. “But, Leonard, what if they can’t—“

“They have to, buddy. They have to.”

Leonard’s voice sounded final. Sheldon should not and also could not accept anything else. He marveled how his evening progressed from a stupid fight over their wedding – _their wedding_ of all things, the supposedly happiest day of one’s life – to him sitting in the hospital worried sick about Amy.

Naturally, he knew about the inevitable possibility that fate could alter someone’s life forever in just a split second. He experienced it when his Pop-Pop died… and his father. Although his untimely death had been strangely foreseeable. But Amy? Why Amy? She was too innocent, too perfect. If someone deserved to depart early from this earth because of his stubbornness and his egomaniacal behavior it was him. Not Amy.

Just then three new voices were approaching rapidly, shaking Sheldon out of his dark thoughts. They were shouting in a flurry, disorganized chorus of ‘Oh my god!’ and ‘What happened?’ and ‘Is she okay?’. Raj, Howard and Bernadette crowded Sheldon’s temporary hospital bed.

“Wow, that was fast.” noticed Penny, who obviously called them earlier. “Where are Halley and Michael?”

“We left them with Stuart.” Bernadette answered quickly. “Now tell us again what happened?” she required worriedly.

The disastrous tale of the evening was repeated again with Leonard and Penny doing most of the talking. Sheldon sank back into a deep hole of agitation, fear and self-loath. _Why, oh why did I have to be so stubborn? I knew she struggled to balance her work and our wedding preparations. I could_ _’_ _ve helped. Why did I feel the urge to fight with her? What if our last words to one another remain to be spoken in anger? How could I ever live with myself if she_ _…_ Sheldon shivered and began almost unnoticeable rocking motions, sitting at the edge of his bed. _She has to live. I want to marry her._

Sheldon flinched as Howard touched his arm. “Sheldon? Hey, you’re really quiet.”

“Don’t worry. It’s going to be okay. It has to be.” Raj added.

The same lines over and over again. “How can you say that?” Sheldon hissed nervously. “What if it’s not going to be okay? What if she…” A jabbing pain in his heart. He swallowed, daring to voice the possibility nonetheless. “What if she dies and I can’t even apologize to her?”

“What would you need to apologize for?” Bernadette sobbed in a small voice.

“M-My behavior.” Sheldon’s voice cracked. “The way I treated her for as long as I know her. Like I don’t appreciate her. She deserves so much more. I always gave her a hard time, always kept her at arms-length… I knowingly insulted her. God, I’m a monster.”

“Oh, no, Sheldon. No, you’re not.” Penny’s tears welled up in her eyes as she sat down beside her best weird friend and hugged him close to her.

“Yes, I am.” Sheldon protested feebly. His own eyes were bloodshot. Tears were burning in them, but somehow Sheldon was too upset to cry. “I shouldn’t have fought with her. All she wanted was a little support and understanding on my part. Why couldn’t I just grant her that, just this once? Dear Lord, this all happened so fast.” Sheldon rubbed his hand over his face in exhaustion. “I should have noticed that she was feeling unwell.”

“There were no signs.” Leonard remembered him softly.

“No, there are always signs and I should have noticed them as an attentive, caring boyfriend… fiancé, even. The salad for example. I should have been more persistent when she complained about the… the salad.”

Sheldon froze. Metaphorical alarm bells rang in his head. What exactly had Amy said about the salad again? It tasted weird? He remembered her stammering after she collapsed. Her eyes determined and urgent as she uttered:

_“_ _Sh-Sh_ _…_ _Shel_ _… al-l... aller… a-av… a…”_

In a moment of perfect clearance, Sheldon was convinced that he finally realize what Amy was trying to say. His perfect memory recalled the menu of the restaurant they dined in. Today’s special. The fine print. Could it be possible that Amy had been so upset that she overlooked that vital information?

His mind filled the holes in her fragmented sentence:

_“_ _Sheldon. Allergy. Avocado._ _”_

“Sheldon?” A voice asked from far away. “Sheldon? What is it?” It was getting clearer. “Sheldon, you’re freaking me out here.” Leonard.

“Leonard!” Sheldon exclaimed, jumping up from his bed. “I know what’s wrong with Amy!” His rapid thoughts overwhelmed him. “Avocado oil! It was in her salad dressing! She ate it! She… she… oh, Lord, the doctors need to know.” And with that he instantly dashed away, ignoring the various calls from his friends behind him.

With anaphylaxis time was of the essence. Amy once explained to him what would happen when she would eat avocado:

_“_ _I have really weird symptoms. The more I eat the faster and severer the reaction. First I get dizzy then I can_ _’_ _t breathe. My heart is on a roller coaster ride and not a good one. After that, things can escalate pretty quickly. That’s why I can_ _’_ _t eat them._ _”_

Sheldon ran faster; his lungs burned. _It can_ _’_ _t escalate. It can_ _’_ _t escalate. Oh, please, it can_ _’t escalate._ He stumbled towards the station’s receptionist, his tall body lunging over the counter, startling the nurse behind it. “Amy Farrah Fowler.” He asked breathlessly. “Which room?”

“I’m sorry, Sir, she’s still in the ER.” The nurse said warily.

“Listen to me; you have to tell me where exactly she is. I’ve got information about her condition of the uttermost importance!” Sheldon thundered.

“I understand your concern, Sir, but you simply can’t go in there right now. As far as I know, the attending doctor just started reanimation.”

A slap in his face. Hard enough to leave his ears ringing.

 _Reanimation. Her heart stopped._ Amy’s _heart stopped!_

“R-Reani—“ Sheldon uttered. The word opened a black hole in the ground, swallowing him whole. He couldn’t breathe. Overload in his brain. _Terror. Terror. Terror._

Sheldon ran.

“Wait! You can’t go in there! Security!”

He ran down the hall where the operation rooms must be located. “Out of my way!” he yelled. A frightened nurse ducked to the side, but the guard waiting behind her didn’t budge.

“Sir, you can’t be here!” he said sternly and grabbed his arm.

Sheldon struggled. “It’s anaphylaxis!” he screamed at no one in particular. “Amy has anaphylaxis!”

“What on earth is going on out here?!” a dark skinned doctor came bursting through the double doors to Sheldon’s right.

As Sheldon turned that way he caught a glimpse of the operation room behind the door.

He saw her.

Mask stripped upon her face, a flurry of doctors around her and her body convulsed as they shocked her.

The heart monitor above her.

Flat line.

_Amy._

It just lasted a split second, but Sheldon saw it all. He couldn’t move a muscle. It was like his body didn’t belong to him anymore. As if he was floating, dissolving into the smallest particles his being was composed of… but his heart felt heavy. So very heavy.

“You’re the fiancé, right?” the doctor spoke. “You shouldn’t see this. We’re doing everything in our power to—“

“It’s anaphylaxis.” Sheldon whispered, so shallow and exhausted that he didn’t even recognize his own voice. “You should start treatment for anaphylaxis.”

For a second the doctor and Sheldon only stared at each other.

The door burst open again and a female doctor stuck her head out. “Andy, she’s responding again. We need you in here!”

The dark man nodded quickly and then addressed Sheldon. “Okay, listen; I heard you, okay? Follow the guard back to the waiting room. I promise we’re doing our best to help her.”

The doctor disappeared behind the double doors. A quick glance at Amy’s heart monitor showed a jagged line going up. A shallow heartbeat. _Could that be true?_

Sheldon didn’t even feel the strong hand on his arm, guiding him back to the entrance hall. He didn’t feel his legs, leading him there. All his focus, all his world was circling around that tremendously horrifying picture of Amy in that room.

_Amy died. Almost. Amy died._

_Amy. Amy. Amy._


	4. Chapter 4

Sheldon’s world was blurry, unfocused and dark.

Time had no meaning as he was sitting in the waiting room area with his friends. Sheldon figured that he should thank them for staying with him, for caring… but he couldn’t find his words. He couldn’t feel either. No hunger, tiredness or pain; everything was numb.

All that was left was fear. Paralyzing, suffocating fear that Amy – his sweet Amy – could vanish from his life. He never believed that something, some _one_ could scare him this much. The impact she had on him was blowing his mind with its sheer magnitude. He would be hopelessly lost without her.

Sheldon was clear all of a sudden that his own life would be over if she were to die.

_Die._

Again, that word shocked him to the very core, froze him with vast terror. The hours of anxious waiting weren’t over yet. Had he informed the doctors on time?

Sheldon realized that some of his friends eventually moved to leave. They promised to be back first thing in the morning. Sheldon knew it was expected of him to at least nod in affirmation, but he only stared ahead, fixing the floor tiles with unwavering concentration.

He didn’t see the floor, though. He saw his life unfolding… without Amy.

What would’ve become of him had he never met that cute little lump of wool? He certainly wouldn’t be here right now, shaking to the bone.

But he also would’ve never experienced how this special woman’s kiss would taste and how flummoxed and warm it would make him feel in return. How he would crave for more of her kisses. He would’ve never known how good it felt to hold the hand of a person he truly cherished and honored. Never would’ve felt the blissful tenderness of hers and his own innocent body coming together to unite. He would’ve never loved someone with all of his heart and felt how much her love gave him back. Even more than he ever thought possible.

He might never find out how it would feel to marry Amy Farrah Fowler.

“Sheldon, stop.” A voice asked him gently, as if he had heard his every thought. Leonard had placed his hand on Sheldon’s shoulder.

Sheldon blinked at him perplexed. “Stop what?”

“You were rocking… and humming. It started getting louder and I was worried that you might have a panic attack again.”

Sheldon continued to blink tiredly. Rocking and humming? He never noticed.

“Don’t drive yourself crazy. I know this is much to ask right now, but try to stay calm until we know something definite.” Leonard asked. “Stay strong for Amy.”

_For Amy. Oh, she would be so strong. She always is. So much stronger than me. My darlin_ _’. My vixen. My love._

More time passed. Leonard and Penny were the only ones still here with him. They fell asleep against each other, clutching each other’s hands tightly.

Sheldon’s eyes never rested. He looked at his best friends with envy. Oh, how he missed Amy’s hand. What he would give to clutch it in his own right now, absorbing her strength, drinking in its warmth. He never missed the touch of another human being so much.

The new day was breaking as the anxious wait came to an end at last.

“Dr. Cooper?” The dark-skinned doctor Sheldon briefly met before in the ER came into the waiting area.

Sheldon jumped up from his chair, startling Leonard and Penny awake. “How’s Amy? Please, tell me that she is alive.”

The doctor smiled. “She pulled through the night, Dr. Cooper. Actually, her condition has been steadily improving over the past few hours. We just wanted to make sure that she didn’t suffer a relapse, which is possible with anaphylaxis.”

Sheldon was still holding his breath. “So, is she going to be okay?”

“It looks that way, yes. Thanks to your quick thinking.”

Finally exhalation. It felt as if he hadn’t been breathing freely since yesterday evening. Sheldon heard Penny sob quietly in relief. Leonard hugged her to him.

But then the doctor’s words registered in Sheldon’s mind. “My quick thinking?” he huffed in annoyance. “I wasn’t thinking at all. I should’ve known immediately what was wrong with her. I should’ve warned her about the salad. I could’ve prevented all of this.”

The doctor frowned. “Don’t go down that road, Dr. Cooper. The symptoms of anaphylaxis can be quite varying, especially when it only begins hours after the exposure to the allergen. Ms. Fowler’s anaphylactic shock started off subtle, but quickly escalated after the initial phase, putting her very briefly in cardiac arrest.”

_Heart monitor. Flat line. Amy._

Sheldon blinked quickly to shake the horrific memories away. But he couldn’t forget. He’ll never forget.

“After you told me about her allergy, we immediately started volume replacement therapy, which helped her to stabilize.” The doctor continued. “Without that information in the right moment, her heart would’ve been very likely to stop again and we probably wouldn’t have been able to bring her back a second time.”

Sheldon’s chest tightened painfully just thinking about that possibility.

“Oh, God.” Penny sobbed again.

“Your fiancée is very lucky that she has you.” The doctor added.

 _She should have had someone who would have prevented the situation from the beginning,_ Sheldon’s mind protested relentlessly.

“Sheldon, he’s right.” Leonard agreed, as if he had heard Sheldon’s own self-loathing. “Don’t blame yourself for this. Amy wouldn’t want that.”

Dropping his head, Sheldon nodded silently for the moment. However, the overpowering feeling of guilt still intensified in his mind. He needed to see Amy and speak to her to apologize and make things right again. “So, how is she? Is she awake? Can I see her?”

The doctor nodded. “She’s still unconscious, but stable now. We brought her to a private room to wake up and a nurse should be with her soon to remove the breathing mask. Her airway should be clear enough to breathe on her own by now, but she might still feel sore when she tries to talk. You can see her and wait for her to wake up.”

“Oh, thank God!” Sheldon sighed, involuntary thanking that deity that he didn’t believe in. “Thank you, for listening to me earlier, Doctor…” Sheldon trailed off, searching the man’s coat for a name.

“Moore. Dr. Andy Moore. I’ll be the attending doctor for as long as Ms. Fowler stays with us.” He gave the group a friendly wave. “Follow me. I’ll show you to her room.”

Purely coincidental, Amy’s room was number 314, just like Pi and Amy’s room number at her old apartment. Dr. Moore left them there with a polite smile, asking them to call him if they had any more questions. Sheldon reached for the door handle… but hesitated for a second. He turned around to Leonard and Penny. “Could you… uhm, could you please wait here? I want to… be alone with Amy for a minute.”

“Of course, go ahead.” Leonard encouraged him. “Just tell us if you need anything.”

Sheldon found her in bed, still pale and exhausted looking. The breathing mask was still strapped above her nose and mouth so he figured the nurse wasn’t here yet. Upon getting closer Sheldon realized that her neck and face seemed a bit swollen and her hair was still damp and dull from sweating.

“Oh, Amy…” he lamented. “My poor Amy. Look at you… you’re so pale…” he touched her face to stroke her dark hair back. “And so cold.” He shuttered at the thought of why she was cold. Life had left her. It was only brief, but it was showing. “I’m so sorry.” Sheldon said sincerely. “I should’ve noticed… we shouldn’t have fought. Especially because you were right. Please, come back to me. I feel terrible for what I’ve said to you. I’m sorry I caused you to have second thoughts about our wedding.”

Sheldon felt his usually determined, even voice wavering for once and before he knew it, tears were filling his eyes and spilling over. Tears that couldn’t come until now, because he was too shocked to cry. He reached for Amy’s left hand, gazing at the silver engagement ring that graced her fourth finger for half a year now. _Why have I waited so long to give it to her? That ring belongs to her. And she belongs to me._

Still clasping her hand, Sheldon carefully lowered his head to Amy’s stomach, needing to be close to her, needing to hear her breathing. “Amy.” He whispered weakly, his tears now drenching through the thin fabric of the bed sheet. “Amy, what would I do without you? What would I _be_ without you? …Nothing.” he answered for himself, closing his eyes in exhaustion. “Just empty. Please, wake up, Amy. I love you. I love you so much. You need to know.”

Ten minutes later in front of the door, Leonard and Penny decided that it was time to check on Sheldon. Cautiously, they opened the door. The sight in front of them moved both of them to tears. Sheldon finally fell asleep on Amy’s lap, holding her hand tightly in his. They both looked so peaceful and united.

Feeling like they would invade a very private moment between them, the couple left the room to return home. But not before telling a nurse that she has to inform Sheldon of their whereabouts and call them immediately if Sheldon or Amy would need anything.

* * *

Sheldon awoke to the soft sensation of something warm stroking his hair.

A small hand. Warm. Tender.

Sheldon eyes shot open and he lifted his head.

Green eyes looked back at him. Wonderful, warm green eyes. The fear of never being able to look into these eyes registered in his head again, filling him with tremendous relief. “Amy.” he could only whisper.

She smiled warmly. “Hi, Sheldon.” she whispered back, but for her it was because her throat must have still felt sore and weird.

Sheldon blinked in confusion as he realized that Amy’s mask was gone. The nurse must have removed it without him even noticing. Well, he really was exhausted last night. Not being able to sleep because he worried so much had taken its toll. Sheldon blinked his eyes again and scooted closer to her. “How are you feeling? Are you hurt? Can I bring you something? Anything, just name it.”

Amy’s smile grew. “I’m fine. Just tired and my throat still feels itchy when I swallow, but I’m here… that’s what’s important.”

Sheldon nodded vigorously. “Indeed, it is. You’re here. You’re alive.”

“Thanks to you, I’ve heard.” Amy beamed. “Dr. Moore was here just before you woke up and told me what you did.”

 _I also slept through the doctor being here? Hmm, talk about my Vulcan hearing. I better get my ears checked,_ Sheldon wondered. “It appears I had one hell of a nap.”

“No wonder.” Amy said, caressing both of his arms with her hands. “You must be very tired.”

“No… I mean, yes, I am, but you don’t have to worry about me, Amy. Not at all. I should be the one taking care of you for once. Not the other way around. I… I tried so hard to be strong for you all this time, but…” Sheldon sighed and sank his head in shame. “I panicked. I was so afraid of losing you that I completely lost my mind. I couldn’t think straight, Amy. I’m sorry.”

“Woah, Sheldon, what are you talking about?” Amy propped herself up, reaching for his cheek to make him look into her eyes and silence him. “You have nothing to apologize for. I don’t know if I had been able to comprehend anything would you have been in my position.”

“Oh, yes, you would.” Sheldon immediately replied. “You’re the stronger one of the two of us. I realized that a long time ago. You’re always calm and patient and sensible.”

“Sheldon…” Now both her hands stroked his clean, soft cheeks. “Regardless of all of those things… _you_ saved me today. I remember lying in your arms in the staircase and not being able to tell you what’s wrong. I was so scared of what would happen if I lost consciousness… but you remembered what I ate nonetheless. I was upset at the restaurant; I didn’t pay enough attention towards my choice.”

“Yeah, because of me.” Sheldon pressed on. “I’m the one who upset you; I’m the one who kept arguing and I’m sorry—“

“Shh, don’t.” Amy cut him off. “I don’t want to hear it. It’s okay, you have nothing to apologize for.” she repeated earnestly.

“But I do, Amy. It’s not right.” Sheldon argued meekly, slipping his arms around her waist.

She reciprocated his loose embrace by putting her arms around his upper body as tight as the weird angle allowed her to and hugged him close. “I don’t care. We’re here together now. That’s all that matters.”

Pressing his lips together so his grand relief won’t make him spill even more tears, Sheldon almost didn’t dare to ask what still weighted heavily in his mind. “So… y-you still want to marry me?” he breathed almost inaudible into her ear.

Amy responded by hugging him even tighter. “Oh, of course, Sheldon. Of course, I do. I love you. What makes you even doubt that?”

Sheldon hated to feel this insecure, but he knew he couldn’t stop it anymore. He also didn’t want to. Being with Amy was pure bliss; perfect and safe. The mere idea of her not wanting the same as him anymore scared him almost as much as losing her in the hospital last night. He would indeed be lost without her, but he accepted that. Their dependency on one another was part of what made their relationship so strong. They could never be without each other anymore.

Breathing in her homey scent that still lingered beneath the smell of hospital, Sheldon finally answered. “It’s just that… during our fight… y-you said you needed time to think things over.”

Amy loosened her grip to look steadily into Sheldon’s blue eyes, shining with uncertainty. “I’m truly sorry I said that.” she said. “I-I didn’t mean it. I… uhm, I was stressed and angry and I said stupid things. It’s true that I asked for this. I wanted to be in charge of everything, I shouldn’t have complained.”

“Nonsense.” Sheldon replied instantly. “I could’ve helped. I knew you had a lot on your plate and I was not very supportive. I’m sorry.”

Amy smiled. “Well… now that blame is equally divided, please, don’t ever doubt my love for you again. There’s nothing that would stop me from marrying you. I’ve worked hard enough for that to happen all these years, don’t you think?”

Sheldon smiled sheepishly and moved in to lay his forehead against Amy’s. “You have. And your efforts shall be rewarded. Soon. I can’t wait to marry you, either.”

Tenderly, Amy locked lips with her man, seeming just as grateful that he brought her back as Sheldon did.

They stayed close even after their kiss ended. “I love you.” Sheldon whispered softly, grateful that she came back to hear him say these three words again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, please note that I updated two chapters at once (chapter 4 and 5) because I missed updating last week. ;)  
> I hope you enjoy reading and if so, please leave comments!

Amy had to stay hospitalized for the weekend. It was Friday when she woke up and because the doctors wanted to keep an eye on her while she was still weak, it had been decided that she would be released Monday morning.

Sheldon insisted on staying with her, but Amy eventually could persuade him to at least go home to shower and sleep. He had to admit he felt weird and germy being this close to all kinds of bacteria, but not because of Amy. He stated that her hands, which he would hold for almost the entire time when he sits beside her, were probably the safest and cleanest objects to touch in that infested breeding place of germs.

Sheldon was only leaving under the condition that at least one of his friends stayed with Amy. The image of her lifeless form in the emergency room still haunted his dreams and startled him from his sleep.

He wouldn’t take a chance again. He couldn’t lose her.

What only added to Sheldon’s never ceasing unsettlement was the fact that despite Amy’s lessening allergic symptoms, she still was tired and unfocused when she was talking to him or their friends. He also noticed that Amy slept more as the weekend progressed.

Early Sunday evening, Sheldon and Leonard returned to Amy’s hospital room after the latter took Sheldon home to get Amy some fresh clothes to wear for her release tomorrow. Sheldon found his fiancée sitting up in bed and laughing weakly at something Penny had said.

_Is it just me or does her face still look awfully pale?_

“Hey, look who’s back, Amy?” Penny cooed. “Your knight in shining armor.”

Sheldon rolled his eyes. “I would gladly appreciate if you’d refrain from calling me that all the time.”

“I’m just reminding you of your good deed.” Penny answered. “You know, the one you _could_ brag about for once but won't for some reason.”

“Simply because I don’t deserve it and also it’s incorrect. I’m not a knight and albeit I possess many costumes, armor is something I definitely do not own.” Sheldon argued.

“Well, I don’t care.” Amy spoke up softly. “You _are_ my knight in shining armor.”

She looked at him with a smile that warmed his heart and Sheldon couldn’t help but smile back.

“Aww, that’s so sweet.” Penny said, obviously noticing the love-filled look they shared.

Upon receiving an irritated glare from Sheldon for her comment, Leonard smiled and touched his wife’s arm lightly. “I guess we should leave them alone for a bit, don’t you think?”

“Oh, uhm… I guess. If I have to.” Penny reluctantly agreed and hugged Amy affectionately.

“You don’t have to wait up for me.” Sheldon informed his friends. “I’m going to stay here tonight.”

Amy listened up. “Sheldon, you don’t have to—“

“I’m going to stay with you.” he stated matter-of-factly, piercing her with an intense stare.

“Okay, then see you tomorrow, guys.” Penny said.

“I’ll pick you up in the morning.” Leonard promised.

“Thanks for keeping me company.” Amy said towards her retreating friends, who smiled as they were shutting the door. She turned her gaze to Sheldon who was still staring at her unwaveringly. “What?” Amy asked with deep lines of worry appearing on her flawless forehead, which he guessed were mirroring his own expression.

Sheldon shook himself from his thoughts. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just that you’re still unusually pale and you’re always tired.”

Amy reached for his hand, which Sheldon gladly took, and smoothed over his soft skin with her fingers. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably still the effects of the medication. Don’t worry. I’ll rest for one more day and tomorrow I’ll be fine. We’ll go home and then we’ll continue to plan our wedding… _together_.” she emphasized sleepily and rested back into her pillow.

Sheldon looked upon her weak form, debating if he should tell her now just how much he would step back from his original standpoint so she could have the wedding she deserved. But Amy didn’t look particularly receptive. It had to wait. “You should rest.” he said instead.

“Agreed.” Amy mumbled, eyes half closed. “Can you… can you get me some water? I’m thirsty.”

“Of course.” Sheldon grabbed the bottle standing next to Amy’s bed, but realized that it was empty. He frowned. _Hadn’_ _t the nurse just brought her fresh water before I left?_ “Amy, the bottle is empty again. I’ll go and get you a new one.”

Amy closed her eyes. “Okay.”

Sheldon hurried to bring her the desired beverage, but when he returned Amy was already fast asleep. He stood there for a while, the uneasy feeling in his stomach slowly growing to a foreboding that something was not quite right.

He came closer to his sleeping bride-to-be, leaned down to her face to stroke the dark hair from her pale forehead and softly kissed the warm skin beneath. Then he lowered himself into the chair next to her bed, her hand in his.

_I’_ _m definitely not leaving her tonight._

* * *

Much later, Sheldon awoke because his hand felt sweaty and wet. Someone squeezed it entirely too tight. Soft moans registered in his ears, making his eyes shoot open in alarm. His foreboding should have prepared him for the sight, but the truth was that nothing could ever prepare him to see this.

Amy’s body was twisting and turning as if she was fighting off a nightmare. Her face was red with droplets of sweat forming on her temples and running down her neck. Her mouth hung half-open as she audibly moaned and whined in discomfort.

“Amy?” Sheldon jerked out of his chair and tried to calm her writhing body by taking her face in both of his hands. “Amy? Dear Lord, you’re burning up.” he realized, wiping off the sheen of sweat from her cheeks.

“Sheldon…” Amy moaned incoherently, but she didn’t manage to open her eyes, still lost in her feverish haze.

“I’m here, Amy. I-I need to cool you down.” Sheldon decided. Frantically, his eyes searched the room and finally settled on the adjoined bathroom where he could get wet towels. Reaching for the call button first, he jumped up to drench a washcloth with ice cold water. He heard her fearful moaning from the main room.

“Sh-Sheldon? W-Where are you?”

“I’m here, Amy. I’m right here.” he called again, fingers trembling violently as he closed the tap. He ran back to her side, putting the dripping cloth over her eyes and forehead.

Startled, she breathed in when the water ran down her hot skin and she blindly groped for something to hold onto.

“It’s okay. It’s me. I’m here, Amy. I’m here with you.” Sheldon repeated over and over again, catching her hands and securely holding them with his.

The door flung open. “What happened?” asked the nurse, who quickly strode in to take over Amy’s personal space while checking various signs and monitors.

“She was sleeping and I-I think she’s developing a fever. She was so thirsty before she fell asleep.” Sheldon rambled.

The nurse checked Amy’s temperature and pressed a button on her pager. Another young male nurse poked his head into the room. “She’s got a fever of 104 degrees. Get some ice packs in here, quick!” The nurse ordered and the young man dutifully nodded and took off.

“104!” Sheldon repeated in shock. “What is happening to her? The doctor assured me that she will be fine!” he said, annoyance clearly underlying his worried tone.

“We don’t know yet, but we’re trying to find out, Sir. Please, stay calm.”

More nurses swarmed in, hands full of ice packs that got draped around Amy’s trembling form, forcing Sheldon to step back from the bed.

 _Please, stay calm._ The nurse’s words seemed to mock him.

 _Again_ , he felt lost without touching her, without feeling her skin to skin. _Again_ , panic was rising up his nerves, taking over his brain and leaving him with nothing else to do than to rock back and forth on his feet while clutching his hands into tight fists.

_So helpless. So pathetic._

But then her voice shook him out of his numbness.

She shivered violently. Sheldon wasn’t sure if it was still caused by the fever or the ice packs that were cooling her down. Amy’s fists were balled, too and his name was on her lips. Just as scared and helpless. “Sh-Sheldon?”

Age-old protective instincts kicked in and Sheldon stepped forward, pushing a nurse to the side so he could hold her hand again. “I’m here, Amy. I won’t leave you. I promise.”

Gradually, the shaking lessened and Amy sighed. Her head lulled to the side as she fell unconscious.

“Amy?” Sheldon’s voice trembled, but he received no answer.

Dr. Moore entered the room. He talked to the nurses before locking his gaze with Sheldon, who wanted to yell at him that he said Amy would be fine. He wanted to shake the doctor and tell him that he had to fix this, but Sheldon’s throat was dry. Panic was holding him captive with an iron grip.

Dr. Moore said he needed to do some tests and that he had to take Amy with him, that Sheldon needed to let her go. He didn’t want to. He couldn’t. But the nurses managed to wrestle Amy free from his grip. They left him standing there alone, shaking with fear.

Eventually, Sheldon managed to think of the only sensible thing he could do. He retrieved his phone, dialed and then said something that hardly ever came over his lips. “L-Leonard… please. I need you.”

* * *

Much earlier than originally planned, Leonard came sprinting down the hallway towards Amy’s room, finding Sheldon pacing in front of it. “I-I came as quickly as I c-could.” He panted, supporting himself on his knees and fishing for his inhaler to take a deep breath. “What happened?” he asked once he could speak again.

“Amy got feverish. She had a temperature of 104 degrees.” Sheldon explained.

“Oh, my god.” Leonard gasped, holding his hand to his head.

“They were able to put it down a bit and Dr. Moore was here to take her with him. To ran some tests.” Sheldon drew in some shaky breaths. “They didn’t allow me to come with her, Leonard. They said I had to wait. But I promised Amy I wouldn’t leave her alone. I-I—“

“Easy, buddy.” Leonard interrupted, putting an arm around Sheldon’s back and steering him towards the waiting chairs in the hallway. “Sit. Breathe.” he commanded calmly and locked his gaze with his best friend so he would concentrate on him. Sheldon still trembled from head to toe, but he was breathing silently again. “Good. Now, let’s do just what the doctors told you. I’m waiting here with you. I’m not leaving you alone with this.”

Sheldon nodded quickly. “Thank you, Leonard. You’re a good friend.” Leonard smiled at him. “All of you are.” Sheldon added. “I wish I could have told you that Thursday night.”

Leonard waved his hand. “Don’t bother. It’s Amy, she’s one of us. You can thank the others when both of you are getting out of here.”

And so the nerve-wrecking, anxious period of waiting started anew.

Sheldon thought he was used to the feeling of stress. After all, it was a hard job surviving a day as Sheldon Lee Cooper. He was tightly coiled like a spring. So many things upset him, unsettled him, stressed him. He fought a constant battle of either releasing that stress by doing something his friends would label as annoying and quirky or ignoring the itching in his brain and just going along with whatever unpleasant situation he was facing. Even though he was fully aware that the itching would just intensify up until the point when he simply couldn’t hold back his compulsive habits anymore.

Or until the moment Amy showed up. Just being in her presence was a great stress reliever for him. Her calmness and rationality eased him up, soothed the itching and helped him to cope with yet another event he couldn’t plan or foresee. Being with her was vital. He needed her to survive in this strange world.

Waiting once again without her by his side, because she was the reason for his waiting, reached a level of stress that all of his OCD’s combined wouldn’t reach. Sheldon was pretty certain that he would suffer from another panic attack if it wasn’t for Leonard.

He didn’t know how much time passed until Amy’s bed rounded the far end corner of the hallway and she was wheeled back into her room. “Amy. Thank god.” Sheldon exhaled. He stood up from the chair to greet her, but her eyes were still shut. “What did you find out? What’s wrong?” he questioned.

The nurses looked at him apologetically, which confused him, but before they could answer Dr. Moore came up behind them. “Dr. Cooper. You might want to follow me inside so we can speak in private.” he said seriously.

Sheldon literally felt his nerve-endings flutter with fear. “N-No. I want my friend to come with me.” he stated.

Dr. Moore nodded and motioned for them to enter Amy’s private room. The nurses quickly filtered out and closed the door behind them. Amy laid still. She was breathing regularly and her body was not as flushed as when the nurses took her with them.

 _She_ _’_ _s sleeping,_ Sheldon tried to reason with his mind. But it still pained him to avert his eyes from her to focus on what Dr. Moore had to say. It was well known that detecting social cues wasn’t his strong suit, but even Sheldon could feel that whatever followed now… he wouldn’t like it in the least.

“Dr. Cooper, let me start by telling you that we’ve got the fever under control. It broke out fast, but you were again quick to notice and let us know.” Moore paused for a bit, as if he had to carefully choose his next words. “After we ran some tests, we’ve found an accumulation of fluid in her feet and ankles. Upon that we checked her kidneys…” Another pause. “An accumulation like this is called an edema. It’s caused by an inflammation of both kidneys. That’s why she had been thirsty before, and was unable to use the bathroom…”

Sheldon had been listening closely. He was aware of the little pauses the doctor made and knew that despite yet another pause, he still hadn’t said what he meant to say. _He is stalling. What for?_ Sheldon wondered and cut into that last pause. “Excuse me, I’m not a medical doctor, but how could edema also cause such a high fever? What has kidney inflammation even to do with her anaphylaxis?”

Dr. Moore sighed and stepped closer to the taller, concerned man to look him in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Dr. Cooper, but right now it looks like we’re dealing with an MRSA infection that infested the kidneys.”

“Oh, no.” Leonard, who had been quiet until now, voiced with worry. He looked up to his friend with obvious concern, but Sheldon stood perfectly still, his features stony and tight.

 _MRSA…_ Easily, Sheldon recalled the definition for the bacteria that was the main reason why he hated hospitals. _A hospital-acquired infection that is difficult to treat due to its multi-resistance to drugs._ Sheldon’s blood seemed to run cold with fear.

“It’s not officially proven yet, because the results need to be cultivated from a blood sample, but it is the most plausible explanation for her new symptoms.” Dr. Moore said. “We’ve already begun searching for a compatible antibiotic to fight off the illness before it gets too severe, but, as you might know, not only is the MRSA bacterium resistant to multiple forms of antibiotics, Amy is allergic to a few common ones we usually—“

The mention of Amy made Sheldon snap out of his rigor. “So what you’re saying is… that Amy could’ve gotten perfectly healthy again only to get infected by the hospitals very own aggressive bacteria?!” Sheldon growled, not yet fully releasing the upheld level of stress inside of him.

“We’re very sorry, but it seems like despite our high hygienic standards the pathogen somehow got injected directly into her blood stream, probably during her way over in the ambulance.”

The doctor’s last words were drowned out by Sheldon’s outburst. “ _High hygienic_ —“ He was too upset to even finish the sentence. “Oh, I bet your understanding of _high hygienic standards_ stop at using gloves when you’re handling patients. Do you even clean this place thoroughly?!” Sheldon didn’t let him answer. “To what filthy dump hole have those dim monkeys in uniform brought my fiancée!?”

Sheldon stopped, remembering the number of times Amy was injected with needles in the ambulance. “Oh, wait… those paramedics infected her! This is an outrage! Don’t you pay any attention to whom you employ?” Again the doctor opened his mouth to say something, but Sheldon silenced him by his mere presence, stepping closer and towering above him with wild fury in his eyes. “You made everything worse! You made her sick! It’s all your fault!” His voice rose exponentially.

Leonard grabbed Sheldon’s arm. He must have been able to feel the tense muscles constricting beneath as Sheldon clenched his hand to a tight fist. “Sheldon, stop that. You’re scaring the poor man.”

“He should be scared!” Sheldon pressed out, dangerously low.

“Yeah, well, you’re scaring me, too, buddy.” Leonard insisted. “Come on, Sheldon, look at me.” he pleaded carefully. Sheldon trembled in his grip. The arm, which Leonard restrained, flinched, trying to fight him off. But then it took just one word in a gentle, fragile voice to completely change his demeanor.

“Sheldon?”

The death stare was broken as Sheldon’s head whipped around towards her. “Amy.” His voice softened instantly and he broke free from Leonard’s grip to move over to her and cup her dear face in his hands.

“What happened?” she asked, clearly frightened by the noise she woke up to.

Sheldon’s anger bubbled up once more. _She_ _’_ _s so innocent_ _…_ _so full of fear._ _How could they let something happen to her? They made her sick! They_ _’_ _re to blame for her fear._ “Amy, they made everything worse. They infected you with MRSA. It’s in your blood. It infested your kidneys. Amy, I-I don’t know what to do. I want to make you feel better, but I… I don’t know how.”

Amy tiredly reached for Sheldon’s hands. They trembled and shook violently while she only continued to frown in confusion, apparently not able to follow Sheldon’s rapid speech. As she obviously realized she couldn’t get through to him in her weak state, Amy helplessly looked over to Leonard and Dr. Moore. “I-I don’t understand… MRSA? How… how did that happen?”

Tentatively, Dr. Moore stepped closer. “We think your body adopted the bacteria on your ride over to the hospital. We promise, we’re already doing everything we can to rectify this, but you should know that it’s especially dangerous if the germ gets carried through your body with your blood. It only has infested your kidneys for now, but the disease could spread.”

Slowly, Amy seemed to get aware of the full terrifying picture unfolding in front of her. “Oh…” she breathed out in paralyzed shock.

Once again, Sheldon whipped around, fixing the doctor with his murderous glare. _Oh, what I would give to be a Jedi right now_! “Don’t you speak to her like that! You’re scaring her!”

“I’m truly sorry, but I just need to make sure that she understands her condition.” Dr. Moore reasoned.

“Your despicable institution is to blame for her condition!” Sheldon shot back without missing a beat. The squeezing of his hand made him turn around to Amy once again.

“Sheldon, don’t… you can’t say such things to the doctor, regardless of the situation.” Amy spoke quietly, her voice cracking at the end.

“He can’t just say something like that, either.” Sheldon protested.

“He has to.” Amy quivered. “It’s his job. Sometimes he has to deliver bad news, but that doesn’t make him guilty for all of this. It… things just happen, Sheldon.”

He saw the tears in her eyes, threatening to fall… Amy was breaking. This disease was breaking her. His strong rock, his brave vixen was breaking. “No, no, no, I can’t let that happen. I-I need you! I can’t let this disease take you away from me. I can’t. What would I do without you?” Sheldon’s hands slipped out of Amy’s as he stepped back.

The room began to spin. His heart drummed loudly in his chest. Dr. Moore stepped closer to him from the front. Leonard cornered him from the left side. Amy’s hands stretched out towards him from the right sight. Sheldon heard them calling his name, repeatedly. They came closer. His heart beat accelerated, pumping rapidly in his ears.

_No, this is too much! I can_ _’t…_ _make it stop! It can_ _’_ _t be true. This is all a dream. I have to wake up! I have to make it stop!_

“I… I need to get out of here. I-I need to fix this.” Sheldon stammered, swiftly turning around and running out of the room without looking back.

“Sheldon!” Leonard called after him, but it was to no avail. Either he couldn’t or didn’t want to hear him. Overwhelmed with horrible worry, Leonard looked back and forth between the hallway where his best friend just disappeared behind a corner and an evenly scared-looking Amy, whose chest was auscultated by Dr. Moore as her breathing shortened due to her own rising panic.

Leonard decided he couldn’t let her be on her own like that. Sheldon might have just lost all his senses, but he wouldn’t ever want Amy to be alone. Leonard quickly texted Penny to inform her what happened. She would look for their panicked friend while he stepped over to Amy to help and calm her down.


	6. Chapter 6

Sheldon’s feet involuntarily led him home to their apartment. He longed for a safe haven where no bad feelings could touch him. But as soon as Sheldon walked through the door, he was bombarded with Amy’s smell and her warm aura that would usually make him feel at home… but didn’t, because Amy wasn’t here.

Sheldon was afraid that her smell would fade away if she would never return home.

_No, you can_ _’_ _t think that way! That_ _’_ _s absolutely no option!_

With tears brimming in his eyes he fled to the bedroom, curling on the bed on her side and pressing her pillow to his chest. The tears spilled over as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, as if that would enable him to block out reality for a second and just pretend he was holding her.

After a while, Sheldon sat up, got his laptop and kneeled back on the bed, googling symptoms of MRSA. The horror of complications and possible outcomes of the infection absorbed him in a swirling hole of angst and sorrow. Sheldon almost jumped a mile when his frantic search was disrupted by a familiar voice.

“Sheldon… there you are. Leonard told me what happened.” Penny was standing in the doorway to what once had been her bedroom. “I’ve been looking for you. Didn’t you hear me knock and call your name?”

Sheldon stared at her standing in the doorway, spare key in hand and her face full of worry. He didn’t bother answering her question. “Did you know that… if the… if the bacterium wanders through her blood stream and accumulates in her brain it could cause meningitis which could result in her untimely death?”

Penny opened her mouth in shock and marched over to Sheldon to forcefully shut his laptop. “Stop driving yourself crazy! That won’t help Amy!” she exclaimed.

“Penny, I don’t know what else to do.” Sheldon stressed. “I-I want to help Amy. I want to save her from this. She… she did not deserve this.”

“I know, sweetie. I know.” Penny sat down at the edge of the bed, watching him warily. Sheldon knew that Penny had never seen him like this. Angry, panicked or sad, yes, but not like this. Not this utterly despaired and lost.

“I’m scared, Penny.” Sheldon whispered meekly, hanging his head and covering his tearful eyes with his hands.

“I know that.” she repeated. “But Sheldon, how do you think Amy feels right now? I know you’re scared… but you can’t just run off like that. Amy needs you now more than ever. She’s scared, too.”

_“Don’t you speak to her like that! You’re scaring her!”_

Forcefully, Sheldon snapped his head back up, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. He remembered the way Amy looked at him when she woke up. Confused, scared and lost. And he screamed. He panicked. He bluntly voiced his deepest fears.

_“_ _Don_ _’_ _t you speak to her like that! You_ _’_ _re scaring her!”_

It wasn’t the doctor with his calm, honest rationality that scared her. _He_ was. _He_ was scaring Amy.

“Oh, god.” Sheldon breathed out in shock. “You’re right. Oh, dear lord, Penny, what have I done?” He ran his trembling fingers through his short hair, ruffling it even more. Were he to look into a mirror, he wouldn’t recognize himself. “I left her alone. Oh, no… h-how could I do that?”

Penny’s face softened. “It’s alright. You panicked. I understand—“

“No, that’s not acceptable. I promised I wouldn’t leave her! I promised I would be there for her.” Sheldon lamented, scrambling up from the bed. “I need to get back. Now!”

Penny stood up with him. “Don’t worry. I’ll drive you.”

* * *

Both heads swiveled around as Sheldon and Penny abruptly entered room 314 again, finding Leonard in Sheldon’s hospital spot next to Amy’s bed. Sheldon was eternally grateful that at least Leonard stayed with Amy. Only on second glance he noticed that the breathing mask was again strapped over Amy’s mouth and nose.

“Amy…” Sheldon rushed over to her again, taking her outstretched hands in his.

Leonard discreetly stood up and joined Penny at the far end of the room to give the couple some privacy.

“Amy, I’m incredibly sorry. I-I can only imagine what you think of me right now. Believe me, I feel so… excruciatingly _stupid_ for once.” he berated himself. “I promised I would stay with you. As your future husband… I shouldn’t have abandoned you like that. We’re together in sickness and health, no matter what. I still want to be, please… believe me.”

Amy moved one hand away from him to lift the mask from her face. “I-I do… believe you.” she wheezed. “You were… scared. It’s okay.”

“No, Amy, it most certainly is not.” Sheldon protested. “I can’t always run away if something threatens to overwhelm me. I’m a grown man; I should be able to deal with my fears. You always had to be considerate with me; you always put your wishes behind mine… Amy, that’s not how I want this to be.”

Sheldon sat gently on her bed, his eyes boring intensely into hers. “We’re going to get married.” he stated firmly, not caring about their circumstances right now. “I want us to be equal partners. You should be able to trust me, to count on me… with all of your worries and fears. I want you to never regret marrying me.”

Amy sucked in a startled breath, but she couldn’t speak right away. Her lungs rattled and she bent over to cough violently. Coughing made taking in a new breath even harder, but she apparently couldn’t stop anymore. She fisted Sheldon’s hand so tight that his fingers turned white.

“Amy… Amy, you need to breathe!” he needlessly told her and supported her while she doubled over.

Her ramped up heart beat alarmed a nurse who came in, gently pulled the mask back in place and changed something with her drug infusion. Sheldon noticed how Amy instantly was able to calm down. She seemed to get sleepy again, but desperately tried to keep her eyes open.

“It’s okay, darlin’. It’s okay, you can sleep.” Sheldon said.

Amy obviously disagreed. She gripped Sheldon’s hand tighter, pulling him closer to her. She was already too weak to lift the mask, but she spoke nonetheless.

“I’d… n-never… regret...” she blinked slowly a few times. “Marrying you. Never… I… love you.”

He heard her. “I love you, too.” Sheldon said. “Amy?” he asked, but her eyes were closed.

She didn’t hear him anymore.

* * *

Three days passed in an agonizingly slow pace.

All they did was wait, hope… sometimes even pray – if they were desperate enough to ask the deity they both didn’t believe in – for mercy.

Leonard, Penny, Howard and Raj took turns in visiting their friends in the hospital. Not only to check on Amy, but also to take care of Sheldon. Bernadette was forced to stay home with her two small infants most of the time, but she sent her well wishes via FaceTime.

Sheldon and Amy stayed together at all times. Sheldon steadfastly refused to set foot out of the room again. Under his watchful gaze the doctors tried to treat her with antibiotics, but none of them showed effects. This type of MRSA bacteria seemed to be a particularly aggressive one. At least it didn’t start to spread yet.

Regardless, it was getting harder and harder for Amy to breathe without the help of her mask. The toxic fluids, which her kidneys couldn’t properly defecate anymore, started to accumulate in her lungs. It slowly poisoned her own body. Her breathing sounded rattling and hard and it pained Sheldon just listening to it. The doctors were on high alert, too, fearing that Amy’s lungs could collapse even before the kidneys.

It was the fourth morning after another sleepless night full of coughs and Darth Vader-like-breathing when Dr. Moore returned with the results of her kidney tests.

Room 314 was unusually crowded with almost the entire group there to listen to the results. Sheldon was squeezing and massaging Amy’s cold hands in his to warm them. Germs were the very last thing on his mind. If he would get it from her then they could at least be miserable together. She squeezed him back, concentrating on what the doctor had to say.

“Amy, you asked me to be frank with you so I’m coming straight to the point… it doesn’t look good.” Dr. Moore admitted, his face creasing in grim sympathy. “Our antibiotics are not working as they should with your body and we’re beginning to run out of safe options. There are still a few more types of antibiotics, but they were not clinically tested yet and could possibly cause even more damage.”

Dr. Moore checked his clip board again. “I’m afraid you’re kidneys won’t hold out as long as it takes for newer medication to get tested. I’d say two, maybe three more days until you going to need dialysis and after that…” He sighed sadly. “Well, the longer you’re depended on a machine the harder it gets for your body to regenerate. So even if we find the suitable antibiotic, the damage already done could still cause your kidneys to fail or for the disease to turn chronic.”

The room stayed silent after this hopeless explanation. Leonard, Penny, Howard and Raj all looked shocked and sad, frozen with disbelief. Surprisingly, Sheldon was not as livid as before when Dr. Moore passed on the bad news. He was only concentrating on the way Amy’s eyes widened in fear beneath her mask, how her grip tightened around his hand and the rattling beneath her chest got worse.

 _I’_ _ll do it right this time_ , he silently vowed.

Sheldon cupped her cheek, averting her gaze from the doctor and forced her to look at him instead. “Don’t be afraid. I’m here for you. I’m not letting you go. I won’t, Amy. I promise.”

“D-Don’t…” Amy whispered beneath her mask. “Don’t… promise—“

He knew she wasn’t finished yet, but he didn’t want to hear it. “Oh, yes, I will. I’ll go even further and hereby state that I _swear_ … that I won’t let you go. I can’t, Amy, and I won’t.”

A silent tear rolled down Amy’s pale cheek and Sheldon caught it and wiped it away. He would be strong for her. He was her husband-to-be and nothing would ever change that. Not after he made Amy wait for a year and a half to allow her to introduce herself as his girlfriend. Two years for allowing her to hold his hand. Almost four years for granting her the first real, passionate kiss. Four and a half years to tell her that he was in love with her. Over five years and the most painful break-up he ever experienced to make love to her for the very first time in both of their lives and seven years for his proposal.

 _God, she deserves to be married! She deserves unconditional happiness,_ Sheldon stated in his head _. I’_ _m her happiness, because she is mine._

“Amy… if I could I would make all of your pain go away.” Sheldon swore with tears clogging up his voice. “If I could I would lift you up and kiss you and make everything better. I would stop this horrible illness. I would fight it and conquer it, so it wouldn’t dare to come back ever again. If I could I would rewind time to relive all those moments with you. The good and the bad. I would tell you that I loved you the moment I laid my eyes on you… my beautiful, smart vixen. Because I did… some part of me always knew that you were the only one for me.”

There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. Even Howard quickly wiped over the corner of his eye and patted Raj on his back as his sensible friend hung to him miserably, apparently fighting with all of his power not to wail loudly and disturb Sheldon’s speech.

“If I could, my darlin’ Amy…” Sheldon continued, his voice wavered and broke. “I would marry you right now and give you this future you have waited for so patiently and which you so greatly deserve. If I only… c-could…” Sheldon broke down, burying his face in her neck and her dark hair and sobbed quietly.

Amy lifted her arms to encircle him, to hold him and silently cry with him. Sheldon’s ceaseless tears blurred his vision; his heart ached for her and his sobbing sounded choked against her skin.

But Amy… she was no quitter. She was a fighter. Sheldon knew that she endured great loneliness and ridicule when she was younger; she told him often enough. And in this dark time, Amy once again showed him what a brave woman had become of her.

He felt how she leaned her head against his. “You can.” she wheezed. “You c-can do… e-ev’rything.” Sheldon lifted his head to look into her unbrokenly strong green eyes. “Dr. S-Sheldon Lee Cooper… e-excels at everything.”

Sheldon was absolutely in awe that she was able to smile faintly behind the mask. After all of this torture and pain, Amy was still not giving up. Amy was strong. Amy will survive this. Ergo, he would not give up, either.

“Oh, Amy. You’re the most enigmatic phenomenon known to mankind.” Sheldon vowed. “The greatest mystery I’ve ever encountered.” He sat up straighter not breaking eye-contact with her. “You’re right. I can figure out how to save you. I can, I… I just need to think…” Sheldon stared right through Amy’s eyes and at the same time not seeing her at all. Her green irises hypnotized him, the golden freckles in them seemed to move and draw him in even further. “There always is a solution.” he murmured.

Everyone inside of the room held his breath; they didn’t dare to disturb Sheldon’s thinking process. Sheldon always said his brain would make noises when he was thinking especially hard and right now he actually thought he could feel it buzz.

_There are always signs._

_We can_ _’_ _t seem to get her blood pressure under control._

_It_ _’_ _s anaphylaxis._

_MRSA. It_ _’_ _s in your blood. It infested your kidneys._

_Our antibiotics are not working as they should._

_We run out of safe options._

_Newer medication_ _…_

_They_ _’_ _re not clinically tested yet_ _…_

_…_ _Not yet!_

Sheldon came back to reality, blinking rapidly. He couldn’t possibly say how long his dive through the past memories of the last week took, but he came up for air that was fresh and cathartic. “Oh…” he uttered still overwhelmed from the buzz.

Leonard scrunched his bushy brows together. “What? What is it?”

“I… I need Bernadette!” Sheldon exclaimed.

“What?” Howard spoke up slightly puzzled. “Why?”

Sheldon turned around to his short friend, piercing him with urgency and determination in his eyes. “I need her to test more antibiotics. She’s a microbiologist. It’s her job to cultivate new medication. With her help I can find the right cure for Amy.” he stated.

Another short pause of processing. “Sheldon, that’s actually not a bad idea.” Leonard voiced in amazement.

“Your friend really is a microbiologist?” Dr. Moore asked. “Are you all doctors here?”

“Well—“ Penny started, but got cut off immediately.

“Not important!” Sheldon said. “Howard… do you think Bernadette can help me?”

Howard’s mouth still hung open and he swallowed before speaking. “Yeah… yeah, of course. I’m sure she’s up for the job.”

“Great. I need you to drive me to her.” Sheldon ordered.

“Will do.”

“And I need you…” he addressed Leonard, Penny and Raj. “To watch over Amy. Don’t ever leave her alone and call me the second anything changes with her condition. I need you to promise me that.”

“We will, Sheldon.” Penny said, while Leonard and Raj nodded dutifully. “Go fight for her and when this is all over, I’ll buy you the shiniest armor anyone has ever seen.” Penny blinked her tears away.

Sheldon managed a half-smile and turned back to his Amy. She strongly returned his gaze, no traces of fear left in her eyes. There was only hope and confidence. Sheldon took her hands. “I need to do this. I need to save you. Are you okay with me leaving this room?”

Amy smiled behind her mask. “Don’ you… dare, try re-returning wi’out m-my cure.” she challenged him fiercely.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Sheldon replied, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead. “I love you.” he whispered into her ear before he motioned for Howard to follow him out of the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, just a friendly reminder again that I'm neither a doctor nor a microbiologist… ;)

It took Bernadette all but five minutes to shove her kids into her husband’s arms, get dressed and rush out of the door and towards her lab at Zangen pharmaceuticals with Sheldon, mumbling something about saving her science-bestie.

Sheldon was relieved that Bernadette was as eager to help him as he hoped she would be. On the way, she explained to him the basics of microbiology, knowing full well that he could keep up, and what drugs and compounds she wanted to try out to establish the new medicament. As soon as she arrived at her workplace, she ordered a lab assistant to go to the hospital to ask for samples of Amy’s blood so she could test its compatibility with her compound.

Finally, Sheldon felt productive. Even though all he did was assist Bernadette, not once doubting her expertise, he was now closer to the process. He felt like things were moving forward for the first time. Bernadette’s vigor soothed him. She was good at her job and she was determined.

Everything would be fine now. He was actually _working_ on saving Amy.

They stayed holed up in Bernadette’s lab for the rest of the day and through the night. That poor lab assistant that Bernadette chose to help her had been ordered around forcefully. Bringing refreshments, running tests, checking data. He didn’t complain though, understanding that it was a life or death situation.

They rested for a bit in the early morning hours, but Sheldon wasn’t really able to fall into a deep sleep. Waking restlessly, he phoned the hospital to ask for an update. Apparently, Amy wasn’t able to sleep that night, either. Anxiety, pain and tiredness made her ask for a stronger sedative and Dr. Moore agreed to a medical induced coma, because that could also slow down the process of her kidneys decomposing.

Sheldon informed Bernadette and left for the hospital to be with Amy before she got sedated and would close her eyes for god knows how long.

It had been a very quiet good-bye. Sheldon and Amy held each other’s hands, intertwining their fingers and squeezing tightly. Almost no words had been uttered, but the conversation they had with their eyes spoke volumes. Silent begging and wishing that everything will be alright in the end. Soundless promises that they won’t give up. _Ever_.

“I love you… no m-matter… w-wha’ happens to me… now.” Amy had said before her eyes slipped shut.

Sheldon sat at her bed for a few more minutes, soundlessly crying some unobserved, lonely tears. He kissed her cheek softly and swore to himself again that he wouldn’t return without a cure. Then he went back to Bernadette’s lab, urging her to do everything she could and more for his Amy.

And she did.

Tiny, strong-willed Bernadette pushed herself to her limit. She worked day and night for her friend, solely living on caffeine. She constantly gazed into her microscope or rechecked her data while her frown deepened and her curse words became more… colorful as she had to dismiss one trial after the other.

Sheldon would’ve cursed with her if he’d ever learnt to talk like that, instead he suffered mostly in silence. His heart arched for Amy. He was dizzy with worry and anticipation. Another twenty-four hours after Amy was sedated the doctors saw no other choice but to start dialysis. Sheldon felt like he couldn’t endure this torture any longer.

During the third long, exhausting night of constant trial and error methods, two important things happened at almost the same time.

One was that Bernadette perked up from her microscope with surprise instead of disappointment.

Sheldon had been sitting next to her on a stool, his elbow propped up on his knee and his head supported by his hand, fighting to keep his eyes open. But he noticed her change of demeanor as Bernadette blinked her eyes, sat her glasses down and rubbed them clean with her lab coat before putting them back on and quickly looking through the microscope again.

“What is it?” Sheldon spoke up, lifting his head from his hand.

“Oh…” Bernadette mumbled, still not looking up. “Hmm… okay, that looks… promising.”

Sheldon sat up straight. “What do you mean? Did you succeed in cultivating a cure?”

“See for yourself.” she said, moving to the side to let Sheldon have a look. “Do you see the yellow-ish ground? That’s the bacteria.” she explained. “And the green blotches, these are my compound. Now… do you notice that the area around these blotches is almost entirely empty?”

“Yes. What does this mean?” Sheldon asked.

“That means the bacteria can’t grow near the compound. So it could function as an antibiotic.” Bernadette said excitedly.

Sheldon shot up from the microscope, heart beating painfully fast in his chest. _Can it be? Or am I dreaming?_ “Are you sure?” he blurted out agitatedly. “We… we succeeded? We can save Amy?” he questioned rapidly, grabbing Bernadette’s shoulders with a huge grin on his face, but at the same time not daring to believe his luck.

“It’s possible…” Bernadette nodded smiling, trying to calm her nerves to make sure she would not jump to conclusions. “Let me analyze the data again. I don’t want to be wrong and cause even more harm to Amy.” she said and moved over to her computer.

For another hour Sheldon paced up and down behind his bespectacled, blonde friend, waiting for the results. He imagined how the outcome would affect him. If it was good… boy, would he be relieved and happy and filled with heavenly hope. But if it was bad… he would be devastated. He paused in his pacing as his thoughts darkened.

 _No, even if we’re wrong,_ _I have to keep trying. I promised to save her. Never give up, Sheldon. Never_ _…_ _give_ _… up!_

Bernadette printed out a long piece of paper with a lot of chemical functions on it. Sheldon was familiar with almost all of them, but wasn’t sure how it all worked together and what Bernadette could learn from her paper. He bit his lip, awaiting her word.

Bernadette looked up to him, an unreadable expression on her face. “Sheldon…”

 _Oh lord, please, just say it. Please let it be good,_ Sheldon begged.

“Sheldon… I think this could work. I’m very confident that this could save Amy.” Bernadette held up a test tube with a transparent liquid in it.

Sheldon stared at the colorless miracle in awe. “We can save Amy?” he only managed to repeat in a whisper.

“Yes.” Bernadette said, choked with relieved tears threatening to spill over. “I believe we can.”

Sheldon’s breathing quickened to the point where he almost hyperventilated with joy. “Oh!” Was all he could exclaim, before he grabbed a startled Bernadette, lifted her at least two feet off the ground and hugged her tiny body tightly to him. She squealed a little. “I love you, Bernadette!” he proclaimed jubilantly… and then hastily added, “In a completely platonic way.”

Bernadette giggled, wiping the tears from her eyes as Sheldon sat her down again. “Come on, I know it’s late… or rather early, but I think we should immediately get this to the hospital.”

And that’s when the second important thing happened.

Right on cue, Sheldon’s phone started to vibrate in his pocket. It was a short, urgent text from Penny: _‘_ _You need to come over here. Quick! Amy’s gotten worse.’_

All of his joy was drained from his body immediately. As if a bucket of ice cold water was splashed right into his face and he was facing brutal reality again.

“What’s wrong?” Bernadette asked, clearly alarmed by the look on Sheldon’s face.

Sheldon stuffed his phone back into his pocket, grabbed the test tube from her hand and went for the door without sparing Bernadette another glance. “We need to hurry.”

* * *

Sheldon quickly walked down the corridor of the dialysis unit where Amy had been brought. Bernadette a few steps behind him, struggling to keep up with his much larger strides. Fortunately, he could find the doctor straightaway. “Dr. Moore! Dr. Moore, wait up!” he called and the doctor turned around.

“Dr. Cooper.” Moore said hesitantly.

“We were successful.” Sheldon spilled promptly. “My friend and I found an effective antibiotic. You need to administer this to Amy immediately.” He showed him the test tube.

Dr. Moore eyed it suspiciously. Almost as if he didn’t believe that Sheldon would actually manage to find a cure in time. “I’m sure you’ve heard that your fiancée has taken a turn for the worse recently.” he said grimly. “The ever-expanding amount of fluid in her lungs made it almost impossible for her to breathe and we had to drain the liquid so Amy would not suffocate.”

Sheldon’s heart hammered again. Actually, it never stopped hammering that hard, but he managed to keep it as a warning in the back of his mind. Pulsing and swooshing to keep him going without taking a break. But right now, the pulsing threatened to overwhelm him again, to overtake all of his conscious thoughts and leave him in panic. “What are you saying?” he pressed out.

“I’m just trying to warn you.” Dr. Moore said, looking at Sheldon with a penetrating glance. “Amy is already very weak due to our medical intervention and the fact that her life depends on a machine right now and still… you want me to administer an untested medicine to your fiancée. You do realize that this is an extreme risk, don’t you?”

Sheldon stepped closer. Outwardly calm, but inwardly full of pent up emotions and despair. “And just what exactly are you expecting me to do, _Doctor_?” he spat out his title with disdain. “Can you even understand what I’m going through? What would you do… if it was the woman you love? The _only_ woman you’ll _ever_ _…_ love.” Sheldon’s voice cracked in a whisper.

Moore swallowed. It seemed as if he couldn’t say something calm and rational for once. It was love. Calmness and rationality had left Sheldon’s brain a long time ago… and the doctor knew that.

“We tested it.” Sheldon said, voice firm again. “It worked. Bernadette said so.”

Dr. Moore’s glance wandered down to the tiny, blonde woman standing next to Sheldon, holding his gaze without wavering. The distinct tensing of her jaw revealed her nervousness, however. “A lab test is entirely different to one on a _real_ person. _Real_ damage could be done.” Moore remembered sternly. “It’s not that I undervalue your friend’s proficiency as a scientist—“

“Oh, you’re better not doing that.” Bernadette spoke up fiercely, her mental and physical exhaustion visibly getting to her, too.

“I’m not.” The doctor repeated, now addressing Bernadette directly. “But you know… if this will cause my patient’s condition to worsen not only will I probably be fired from this hospital for knowingly administering an untested drug, but you’ll be fired, too, if your pharmacy finds out that it’s your medication.”

Bernadette swallowed. “I’m aware of that risk. But I wouldn’t urge you to give this to my friend if I wasn’t sure.”

Gratitude overflowed Sheldon’s system that Bernadette was such a trustworthy friend to him. He couldn’t thank her enough for what she had done already. Unable to find the right words now, but also aware of the skeptical look still present on Dr. Moore’s face, Sheldon reached down to grab Bernadette’s hand and squeezed it tightly. He wasn’t sure if he ever held her hand as long as he knew her.

“Please.” Sheldon begged. “You have to try it. You could save Amy, I… I know it. I won’t blame you if it doesn’t work, I’ll sign whatever form that would remove your blame, I promise, but… I would rather take this risk than do nothing and let her die. I can’t do that. I _can_ _’t_.”

The two men pierced each other with hard, unrelenting glances. Dr. Moore breathed deeply through his nose as he was obviously considering Sheldon’s request.

“If you won’t do it…” Sheldon said steadily, holding up the test tube between them. “Then I will.”

Dr. Moore sighed; he wouldn’t dare to question this statement. Slowly he lifted his hand and took the tube from Sheldon. He eyed Sheldon’s shorter companion fiercely. “I want you to write a statement that this antibiotic was thoroughly tested in your lab at…”

“Zangen pharmaceuticals, Doctor.” Bernadette helped.

“At Zangen pharmaceuticals and I want you to declare its innocuousness.”

“Okay, I’ll be working on my statement right now.” she nodded.

“Thank you, Dr. Moore.” Sheldon announced with a sigh of relief.

But the doctor didn’t lose one ounce of his tension. “Just let me say this again… your fiancée has been in dialysis for almost twenty-four hours now. Even if this antibiotic can stop the MRSA bacterium it’s not guaranteed that her kidneys will recover enough to work on their own again. She might need a transplant. And to survive surgery in her state…” Moore paused, letting his words sink in. “Amy would need miraculous strength.”

Sheldon gripped Bernadette’s hand so tight that her fingers turned white. She looked up to him, but uttered not a word of complain. She squeezed his hand back. “Let’s fight those fights one at a time, okay?” she said gently. “We go back to Penny, Leonard and Raj and wait for our antibiotic to take effect. Then we’ll see what happens next.”

Sheldon swallowed his panic, edging on the verge of his mind. The strength he had to muster to do this seemed miraculous, too. Sheldon nodded slowly. _One fight at a time. Waiting one more time. Hoping_ _…_ _trembling one more time. One breath in, one breath out. I can do this. I_ _’_ _ll be Amy_ _’_ _s husband._

“You can do this.” echoed Bernadette as if she had heard his thoughts. “Amy has that kind of strength; she can fight this. And so can you. It’s almost over, I’m sure of it.”

Sheldon couldn’t answer with words. Bernadette nodded at Dr. Moore, definitely concluding their disputable agreement and then tugged at Sheldon’s hand. “Come on, let’s return to the others and send Amy all our good energy and prayers. She needs it right now.”


	8. Chapter 8

Leonard’s head slipped off from where it rested on Penny’s head, startling him awake. He cleared his throat, adjusted his glasses and sat up straighter. Penny, who was slumped against his shoulder next to him, made a little, unintelligible sound but remained sleeping.

Raj was nowhere to be seen. Probably getting something to eat from the hospital vending machine, Leonard assumed.

They’ve been sitting in the waiting room for hours. Leonard couldn’t tell how long, but they couldn’t bring themselves to go home. They made a promise to Sheldon and they couldn’t break it. This was too important to him. Hell, this was about Amy; it’s too important to them as well. They needed to be there if something changes.

Leonard’s stomach growled. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate. It must have been sometime before the nurse came into the waiting room to inform them that Amy’s lungs were so full of fluid that they needed to drain it immediately. Penny had sent Sheldon a message, telling him to come over, but he didn’t answer. While they waited on any form of response from either Sheldon or the doctors, they fell asleep.

As if he had heard Leonard’s empty stomach protesting again, the door opened and a tired looking Raj came in, hands full of snack packages and water.

“Hey.” Leonard said, voice hushed.

“Hey.” Raj answered.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

“No, I was too worried.” Raj admitted, sitting down close to Leonard and Penny and wordlessly handing him over a package of mixed nuts.

They ate in silence for a while, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Although their matching frowns made it obvious that they were thinking about the same things. They already went through the common empty, reassuring phrases a long time ago. That it’ll be fine. That Amy will pull through this. But all three of them were aware that they simply couldn’t know for sure. No one knew if Amy would ever be fine again.

Raj was the first one to acknowledge this possibility out loud. “I’m scared what will happen if they can’t…” He made a pause, fixing the floor with his gaze. Almost as if he felt guilty for even considering the worst case scenerio. “If they can’t save Amy…. I can’t even imagine how Sheldon would react.”

Leonard sighed deeply, briefly closing his eyes. “Oh, don’t even make me think about that. He would be so lost… heartbroken, even.” Leonard frowned as if in pain as he thought of something. “Do you remember when Amy broke up with Sheldon?”

Raj nodded. “Sheldon was a wreck. He tried to hide it, even asked me and Howard to find another girl for him, but in fact he never really moved on from her.”

“Exactly.” Leonard said. “I… I honestly don’t think that Sheldon can cope with anything but good news considering Amy. He could never move on from this.” Leonard looked down into his lap where he held Penny’s hand. Blinking back tears, he squeezed his wife’s hand tighter. “I think we never actually realized just how much Sheldon loves Amy.”

Raj didn’t hide the loud sob that escaped him. “Oh, I did.” he wailed. “I always knew.”

The emotional outburst coupled with the door to the waiting room opening again, caused Penny to stir at Leonard’s side. When Bernadette came in with a horribly pale looking Sheldon in tow, Penny was the first one to jump up and greet them.

“Hey, you didn’t answer me! Any updates on your research?” she questioned rapidly as if she never was asleep at all.

Leonard noticed how Bernadette looked up to Sheldon, expecting him to answer, but when he only stared blankly she spoke for him. “Actually, there are some good news.” Bernadette said. “We cultivated a cure. Dr. Moore is giving it to Amy right now.”

“What? Are you serious?” Leonard blurted out with a hope-filled smile on his face. When Bernadette nodded her head, Penny and Raj gasped almost in unison and closed in on Bernadette and Sheldon to hug them.

“Wow, guys, I can’t believe it. This is great news!” Raj exclaimed.

Leonard excluded himself from the group hug to study his best friend’s features. Sheldon stood stiff and still until the hug ended. Not very uncommon for him, but what worried Leonard was the darkness on his face. Something still wasn’t right. “Hey, Sheldon, aren’t you happy about this?” he asked tentatively. “You found a cure for Amy.”

Sheldon blinked as if he only now realized where he was and that he was supposed to say something. “I am… happy… that I… that _we_ found a cure…” He spoke deliberately, nodding at Bernadette when he mentioned her efforts.

“So… why are you still sad?” Leonard asked.

Sheldon stopped looking at him and instead let his eyes wander over the rows of chairs. He settled on one and started to walk over to sit down. His friends followed him, settling around close like moths clustering around the only light in the room; except they were involuntary drawn in by his sadness instead.

“The doctor just told me that… that Amy is very weak.” Sheldon explained, his voice quivering so violently at the end that he could only whisper. “Maybe it’s… maybe it’s too late for her. For us. Maybe I’ve waited too long and now that’s my punishment for denying my feelings for her for so long.”

“Sweetie, no. No it’s not.” Penny tried to interrupt Sheldon’s rambling.

“You don’t know that.” He protested weakly. “It certainly feels like a penalty to me. It feels like I’m dying inside. All this waiting… all this hoping and fearing… if that’s how Amy felt when she was waiting for me, then I deserve to feel it as well. Because I could’ve made her waiting stop, but I didn’t. I let her suffer.”

Leonard put a hand on Sheldon’s shoulder and squeezed tightly to make him focus. “Sheldon, calm down. You’re talking without breathing again. I don’t want you to have another panic attack.” He watched as Sheldon briefly looked up to him and then nervously gazed down to the ground, obviously pained and burdened by more emotions that he ever had to deal with at once.

Leonard saw guilt, grief and defeat. And he supposed all of that combined made Sheldon feel insanely panicked. He couldn’t control it.

Sheldon bolted up and paced the room, eyes still fixed to the floor. “I can’t calm down. I thought I could… just one more time, but I can’t. What if after this last period of waiting the doctor comes in to tell me that Amy… that she… w-wasn’t strong enough?” he fought back tears. “What should I do? I’m certainly not strong enough, either.”

Penny and Raj stood up, trying to stop Sheldon’s pacing, trying to talk to him. He didn’t even seem to notice them.

“And what if that cure hurts her more? What if we missed something? Oh, I couldn’t… I couldn’t live with myself if I was the reason for her… for her…”

“Stop that. Don’t say such things. It’s going to be fine.” Penny’s voice rose, desperately fighting back her own panic.

 _“_ _You stop that!_ _”_ Sheldon suddenly yelled, halting all movements in the room for a second. His outburst seemed to reverberate from the silent walls and settle down on his friends like a heavy blanket.

“Stop saying… that everything will miraculously turn out fine.” Sheldon’s breaths were labored, his eyes red-rimmed. “This is not one of your fortune teller stories, Penny… it’s the real world. People are dying… Amy… could d-die.” The levees were breaking and tears began running down Sheldon’s panic-reddened cheeks.

Both, Leonard and Bernadette stood up, too and motioned to touch Sheldon’s trembling arms.

“No.” he flinched, but without real vigor left. “Don’t touch me. Don’t even… come close to me.” he said and retreated backwards into a corner of the waiting room with outstretched hands to keep his friends at bay.

Hopelessly, Leonard watched as Sheldon slid down the wall and hugged his legs to his chest while crying ceaselessly. _He’_ _s realizing all of this just now,_ Leonard concluded.

Sheldon was aware of everything that happened around him of course, but it seemed like he still managed to keep it away from his heart. He had been emotional, but not so much that his worst horrifying feelings overwhelmed his mind. His doings still followed some kind of logic:

_Amy is feeling unwell, get Amy to hospital, assure that Amy gets treated right, find a cure for her condition, do whatever it takes to save Amy._

But now that there’s nothing else left to do… Leonard assumed that Sheldon finally let all of his guards down that were keeping him upright to this point. He finally seemed to realize that sometimes even logical sequences come to a dead end. And not even the great Sheldon Cooper can find a way out of it.

Leonard’s heart broke for him. Seeing his best friend of over ten years cry so openly on the cold and dirty hospital floor, destroyed a little piece inside of him, too. Sheldon wouldn’t get over it if Amy died. He would never recover. Leonard felt like it was his duty to do something… but what on earth should he do to ease this kind of pain?

 _There is no way of manipulating the future,_ he thought _. There_ _’_ _s also nothing that would sooth him in the present_ _…_ _except Amy. Happier memories of Amy from the past_ _…_ _maybe that_ _’_ _ll work for a while._ Leonard pondered.

“Hey, Sheldon, you said, uhm… you said you’re scared that Amy might not be strong enough. But, uhm, don’t you remember the time when the girls wanted to fly to Vegas?” Leonard started sheepishly, nervously picking on his fingernails and glancing over at Penny for help.

His wife blinked, wiping the tears from her eyes, but catching up immediately. “Yeah…” she said with a cracked voice. “When… when Amy broke that TSA agent’s nose like it was nothing.” She strained herself to smile. “No one’s messing with my bestie.”

Bernadette and Raj perked up, too. “Oh, I don’t remember this story.” last mentioned said, still treading carefully. “Wasn’t that when I ditched you during D&D night a few years ago?”

“Yes,” Leonard nodded, noticing from the corner of his eye that Sheldon had almost stopped sobbing. _Good, he is listening_. “So, because their Vegas trip was cancelled the girls joined us for Dungeons & Dragons. We were skeptical at first, but in the end it turned out to be the most fun I had playing that game. Howard’s impressions had been hilarious.”

“They were.” Bernadette chuckled lightly. “And then we stupid idiots had to make fun of you two.” she remembered bitterly. “But even that didn’t stop Amy. She seemed truly hurt for a whole while, but then she came back… beaming like she had just won the lottery. Whatever you guys were doing in your room… I know that _you_ , Sheldon…” she addressed him directly. “You made Amy strong that night.”

Leonard held his breath when Sheldon raised his head. Not to meet anyone’s gaze, but to stare ahead, seemingly lost in thoughts. “Maybe you didn’t really know what you were doing back then,” Leonard said. “But you sure as hell know now. Asking Amy to marry you is the best decision you’ve ever made and I think the level of mutual understanding you two perfected is very unique and special. I’m honestly a little bit jealous of that connection you share.”

Sheldon’s shaky fingers moved, stroking over the empty spot on his left ring finger when Leonard mentioned the marriage proposal. Obviously, drained from all of his tears he leaned his head to the side against the wall. Silence stretched on as he kept staring and his friends struggled to find more words to say. But finally Sheldon spoke.

“Amy and I…” he started, voice hoarse and small. “Are each other’s equal. There’s no one in the world like Amy.” Sheldon closed his eyes. “No one… no… one… like my Amy.”

At that point, Leonard realized that Sheldon had fallen into a deep, exhausted sleep.

* * *

Sheldon was floating… he floated backwards in time on an invisible cloud that could get him anywhere he liked without being noticed. Like a silent observer visiting his own memories. He knew he was only dreaming, but it was peculiar to him that the cloud seemed to be in charge of where it would take him. He didn’t see a pattern… not immediately.

First, he saw himself fighting with Amy. Over cake and vows and centerpieces and locations. He saw Amy dressed in soft pink, ready to marry him without conducting a great party. That was the first time he realized it. What he would do for her. His own words rang in his ears:

_“_ _When you make a discovery like this, you don_ _’_ _t just take it down to city hall. You tell the whole world._ _”_

Sheldon floated a bit further back, bursting in on something he hoped he would never remember again. That skinny, blonde woman, whose name he didn’t even dare to think about, kissing his lips. Oh, how he despised this moment. Even though it sent him on a great journey at which end he asked a question and got the most perfect answer.

_“_ _I realized that Amy was the only woman I ever wanted to kiss for the rest of my life._ _”_

He traveled back year upon year. Stopping at times when he’d done things that scared him greatly at that point in his life, but he went through with it none the less. Because Amy was worth it. Moments like the week after he got back together with her. When after the darkest times in their shared life came her birthday and a gift he never thought he would give.

_“_ _We can find out together._ _”_

That soft blush on her face was worth the fear and the gut-twisting nervousness that night. The hope-filled glimmer in her emerald green eyes was worth the panic of voicing his feelings for the very first time.

_“_ _The only conclusion was love._ _”_

The overwhelming, incomparable taste of her lips as he kissed her for the first time was worth the denying and fighting tooth and nails against the possibility that she was more than just a friend to him.

_“_ _I deserve romance and I_ _…_ _didn_ _’_ _t know how else to make it happen._ _”_

He remembered his own version of the story his friends had told him before he fell asleep. The other side… behind the closed bedroom door. When both of them were so vulnerable and exhilarated at the same time. When he opened up to her, because he knew it would sooth her.

_“_ _For me what we have is_ _…_ _extremely intimate._ _”_

He remembered the first time they increased intimacy to such an extent that he could feel her weight on him, her warmth and her heart beating wildly in her chest. When she was just as inept and unacquainted as he had been.

_“_ _At this moment I find myself craving human intimacy and physical contact._ _”_

And then there was the day that started his emotional turmoil. That very first moment he found himself spinning out of control. The moment he was standing right beside her in that coffee shop and they both glanced at each other at the same time with that same look of shy curiosity.

_“I’_ _m Amy Farrah Fowler. You_ _’re Sheldon Cooper.”_

That woman. That blunt, bespectacled brunette turned his whole word upside down. She made him do things that he never thought he could do and made him feel things he never thought he would feel. But he would do it all again if the result was for him to be married to her.

He would do everything.

 _Oh, wait. There comes another memory._ A random conversation he had with his friends not too long ago:

_“_ _Sheldon, what did Amy have that attracted you?_ _”_ _Raj had asked._

_“_ _Oh, so many things. Her mind, her kindness and especially_ _…_ _her body._ _”_

_“_ _Really?_ _”_

_“_ _Relax._ _”_ _Amy had answered flatly._ _“_ _We_ _’_ _re the same blood type. He knew he can harvest an organ._ _”_

* * *

“Sheldon?” A soft voice permeated the haze of his fading dream. “Sheldon? Dr. Moore is here… he wants to talk to you.”

Sheldon blinked at the mentioning of the doctor’s name. Tiredly, he opened his eyes and looked into Leonard’s worried face. “Wha… What happened?” Sheldon slurred and then winced because of the pain in his neck. He realized that he was still sitting on the floor with his head awkwardly bent to the side.

Leonard was kneeling next to him. Sheldon’s vision cleared enough so he could see Dr. Moore standing in the room with his friends. Instantly realizing why he must be here, Sheldon quickly tried to move up from the floor.

“Easy, buddy.” Leonard said as he had to grab Sheldon’s arm to steady him.

“Doctor, w-what about Amy? Is she…” Sheldon stumbled over his words.

“Dr. Cooper, I think we should sit down…” Moore motioned for the chairs.

Sheldon’s stomach turned violently. “Oh, no! Oh, god, please—“

“She’s okay.” Dr. Moore added quickly. “For now at least.”

The group collectively released their breath and sat down as they were told to do. Sheldon grabbed Leonard’s arm for support as he braced himself for the new update.

“Your fiancée is still in dialysis.” The doctor then started to explain. “We gave her the new antibiotic your friend compounded and it seems like it began its work right away. The MRSA bacteria stopped reproducing and it is succumbing to the medicine.”

“Okay, that sounds really good.” Penny blurted out. “So, Amy is getting better now, right?”

“Concerning her infection, yes,” The doctor nodded. “It might take a few days until the bacteria disappear completely, but as long as there are no unknown side effects to the antibiotic Amy will overcome this.”

The room erupted in relieved cheers and exclamations of ‘yes’ and ‘thank god’. Raj, Penny and Bernadette hugged and wiped their tears away, while Sheldon and Leonard were alert and tense. Sheldon hadn’t let go of Leonard’s arm yet. He almost didn’t take notice of the other’s reaction, because he distinctly felt that Dr. Moore wasn’t finished.

“Shh, listen!” Leonard reprimanded their friends when Sheldon obviously wasn’t able to speak. The excited group settled down and focused on the doctor once more.

“However… the damage already done to Amy’s kidneys is severe.” Moore said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “The dialysis machine is taking over most of the work as long as her kidneys regenerate, but nothing can replace the efficiency of a real organ.” he paused again, looking apologetic. “In fact, our staff is unfortunately very certain that her kidneys won’t be able to function properly again.”

Sheldon felt Leonard’s hand squeezing his. He glanced down for a second, but didn’t react. He didn’t breathe, either. Sheldon could already guess the doctor’s next words, but strangely, he felt composed and ready for it. He was surrounded by a wave of calmness even though he couldn’t grasp the reason for his tranquility yet.

Dr. Moore continued. “What Amy needs right now to fully recover is at least one new kidney and plenty of rest. Her fever and other MRSA symptoms are getting down, which helps her to regain strength, but a major surgery like organ transplantation is still risky in her state.”

Sheldon shook Leonard’s hand away.

He thought that he saw Leonard from the corner of his eye, looking at him with concern, but he couldn’t be sure. Sheldon’s train of thoughts went elsewhere entirely.

_Organ transplant._

_All that Amy needs right now to fully recover._

_All I did for her in the past_ _…_ _all the fears I_ _’_ _ve overcome._

_I would do everything for her._

_“_ _Sheldon, what did Amy have that attracted you?_ _”_

_“_ _Oh, so many things. Her mind, her kindness_ _…_ _her body._ _”_

_“_ _We_ _’_ _re the same blood type. He knew he can harvest an organ._ _”_

_All that Amy needs to fully recover._

_I would do everything for her._

Sheldon’s mind was whirring, spinning… out of control? Maybe. He couldn’t tell. He made a decision.

 _“_ Anyway,” Dr. Moore’s voice found its way back into Sheldon’s consciousness. “The sooner she finds a donor the better. But with her rare blood type it’s probably going to take months until we have a compatible kidney… I’m afraid Amy won’t—“

Sheldon cut him off before the doctor could end his sentence. His voice so crystal clear and strong like it hasn’t been for a very long time and filled with determined confidence that no one would dare questioning:

“I’m going to give her my kidney.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the preultimate chapter... thanks to everyone who followed this story until now. :)  
> In this chapter I will switch back and forth between Sheldon and Amy's POV a lot. I hope it doesn't confuse you, haha ;)

“I’m going to give her my kidney.”

Instantly, all eyes swiveled back to Sheldon.

“ _What_?!” echoed the choir of his friends in unison.

Sheldon only blinked, not at all impressed by his friends’ slack-jawed faces and their vocal outburst. “You heard me.” he said calmly. “I will donate an organ for Amy.”

Dr. Moore frowned. “Sheldon,” he said, apparently using his given name for the first time to clarify his seriousness. “I know you want to help your fiancée, but we can’t just pick someone randomly to—“

“Do I look like an idiot to you?!” Sheldon snapped in anger. “Obviously I know about the conditions. Amy and I have the same blood type. I have no pre-existing diseases and I get a medical check-up at least three times a year. I’m perfectly healthy and a suitable donor for her.” Sheldon stated matter-of-factly. He breathed in deeply to prove his confidence. “I’m going to do it.”

Leonard, Penny, Raj and Bernadette still stared at him flabbergasted, as if an alien parasite that was nesting in Sheldon’s brain just decided to crawl out of his ear. So it was Dr. Moore again who spoke up first.

“Okay, Dr. Cooper, I, uhm… I understand your motivation, but take your time to make absolute sure that you want to go through with this. Donating an organ is a big decision. And although it is a routine operation you would undergo, it still requires general anesthesia and comes with a small but not insignificant possibility of complications that could occur. Are you aware of that?”

Sheldon inhaled deeply again. “Yes.” He nodded, breathing out.

Finally, Leonard snapped out of his trance and stepped towards his best friend. “Sheldon, buddy… are you really sure? I know that your hatred for hospitals runs deep and that needles, drugs and all that stuff freak you out.” Leonard placed his hand on Sheldon’s shoulder, obviously to show that he understands. “This is a huge deal. We could look for another donor first if you’re not able to… you know…”

“Leonard, I’m sure.” Sheldon stated once more, holding Leonard’s serious glance easily with his piercing blue eyes. “I have to do this… I… I need to do this. It’s Amy. _My_ Amy. What would you do if this was Penny?”

Said person sniffed quietly, watching the exchange of the two best friends. “Sheldon, this is… this is very… _very_ brave of you.” she said.

Sheldon looked briefly at her and at Raj and Bernadette, standing behind her and seemingly holding their breaths. “I’m not even afraid.” Sheldon realized aloud and then looked back at his former roommate. Somehow Sheldon knew it would only matter what Leonard would think of his decision. Leonard knew him better than anyone. If he believed that he would be strong enough to go through with it, then there was nothing that could stop him anymore.

“I thought I would be scared.” Sheldon continued to explain. “But… all I can think about right now is Amy… a-and that I’m able to save her with this decision. My only fear is to live without her. I can’t… I… I have to prevent that at all costs.”

Leonard’s eyes filled with something that Sheldon wouldn’t normally recognize. But this time it was purely obvious. Confidence, trust and – dare he say it – some kind of brotherly love. “Okay.” Leonard said, swallowing his brave man tears. “I’m proud of you for doing this.”

“Thank you.” Sheldon whispered.

Only the two former roommates truly understood what Sheldon was thanking him for. Leonard’s trust and approval gave him strength to continue.

Sheldon turned back to the doctor who awaited his final consent. He nodded resolutely. “I’m ready.”

* * *

It actually took a while before it really began.

Sheldon had to endure endless paperwork, thorough medical examinations and tests. The doctors and surgeons were a little concerned about his lack of sleep and nutrition, wondering if he was really in the right mind to agree to an operation like this. He would be living on with only one kidney, after all. But Sheldon dismissed their concerns. Despite being sleep deprived he knew what he would do to assure that Amy lived.

Shortly after the final preparations had been made, Sheldon had to separate from the safe haven that was his group of friends, which now also included Howard again. As soon as Bernadette had informed him what Sheldon was about to do, he had begged Stuart to close up shop and watch his two small children, so he could go to the hospital to wish Sheldon the best of luck.

Sheldon absorbed strength from each and every hug of his friends and whispered a small, but heartfelt ‘thank you’ in return. Then he moved on bravely on his own. Sheldon went into a clean room to change into a flimsy green gown and listen to Dr. Moore as he explained the following procedure for the last time. He couldn’t remember exactly how much time passed until he was finally wheeled into the operation room where Amy already waited, lying down and still unconscious, on her hospital bed.

Sheldon looked at her from his stretcher, taking in her paleness and the stillness that surrounded her. It seemed to be ages ago since he last talked to her and she looked at him with her vibrant, green eyes. Tubes were going in and out of her body, delivering and filtering her blood. The dialysis machine made rather loud pumping and whirring sounds, but Amy didn’t seem to be bothered by that.

And neither was he.

Inexplicably, Sheldon never felt as calm as right in this moment. Leonard had been right; normally, he would absolutely freak out in a situation like this. But Sheldon knew with certainty that this was way more important than any of his compulsions. He was doing the only right thing: fighting Amy’s battles for her when she couldn’t. In sickness and in health. Like a good husband should. No matter what would happen to him, he would sacrifice his life to grant Amy’s health. Without any second guesses.

And that amazed him greatly.

The sensation of love for Amy overflowed his body and his mind as he kept looking upon her and the feeling lingered even after the anesthetic mask was put upon him and the edges of his vision blurred.

 _Amy,_ he vowed silently _, I would do everything for you to make you happy and healthy. When you wake up after this, I’m making you my bride. Wherever and whenever you want. I’m going to treasure you and love you for the rest of my life._

Sheldon’s eyelids grew incredibly heavy. But he faded away with peace and surrendered to blackness with Amy’s happy face on his mind, hiding behind a beautiful, white veil.

“I love you… Amy Farrah Fowler.” He slurred before the anesthetic whisked him away into oblivion.

* * *

_Thump, thump… thump, thump… thump, thump._

She heard her heart beating in her ears… the first sensation she felt for an indefinitely long time. She felt rested, like she’s been asleep for a year. She wanted to move and stretch her body, but a sharp pain on her right side stung violently and caused her eyes to snap open with a start.

She looked at five familiar faces.

* * *

_Thump, thump… thump, thump… thump, thump._

He heard his heart beating in his ears… and in his mind. His being consisted only of his self-awareness and his beating heart, thumping in his chest.

 _I am alive,_ he concluded and was about to drift off again…

_Amy!_

His mind alarmed him suddenly. _Where is Amy? Is Amy alive?_ His mind was too clouded to provide him with answers.

* * *

Amy blinked slowly, trying to understand why everyone stared at her as if she just awoke from the dead.

 _Oh... maybe because I did,_ she wondered.

“W-What… What h-happened?” Her voice sounded strange to her own ears. Tired and raspy from not using it for seemingly a long time. Still, her feeble action caused an even bigger reaction.

“Amy! Oh, thank god!” Penny exclaimed, her voice clogged with tears.

“How are you feeling? Oh man, finally! Are you alright? Say something.” Leonard, Raj, Bernadette and Howard echoed almost simultaneously, she couldn’t even detect who said what.

Their big pleading eyes confused Amy and she blinked again to formulate an answer that would calm her friends. “I’m… okay, I guess. Tired. My side hurts.”

“Okay, that’s understandable.” Bernadette nodded. “Anything else? Are you hungry? Thirsty, maybe?”

Amy took her time to consider this question and listened to her body. Her stomach felt empty. “Yeah, actually… I think I could use something to eat.” She nodded. “Nothing heavy, though. Maybe a salad or—“

Amy stopped abruptly. _The salad tasted weird. An allergic shock. Sheldon was there, he saved me, told the doctors what’s wrong with me. Then fever, thirst, something went wrong with my kidneys. Sheldon’s panic. He was afraid…_ _so scared_ _… he ran away…_

“Sheldon! Where is he? Where’s Sheldon?”

* * *

The next time Sheldon awoke, his body made itself known by a tingling sensation all over him. Warmth. First it was nice… but then he felt too hot.

_It itches. My body itches. My right side… oh my, that’s uncomfortable. Will someone please make it stop? Please!_

Sheldon tried to move and shake his body fully awake. He wanted to scratch his side, but found himself way too tired to fulfill the task. Was he restrained?

Muffled voices reached his ear. Agitated. Chaotic. But then there was a sweet and soft melody, breaking through the white noise. Delicate, hushed words spoken to him with calmness and love.

_Amy… are you there? Is that you, Amy?_

He couldn’t bring his mouth to ask these questions aloud. The soft voice lulled him back to sleep.

* * *

“Amy, calm down.” Penny begged. “It’s okay, he’s here. Sheldon is here. You see.” She and Leonard who were positioned to her right side, stepped back to clear the view to another bed with an unconscious occupant.

Amy felt her heart rate slowing down in relief. The scared hammering in her chest turned to mellow thumping again.

 _He’s here,_ she said to herself. His face was pale, his eyes closed and he was very still. _Why is he sleeping here?_

“W-Why is he dressed in a hospital gown?” Amy asked with a nervous stutter. “Is he alright?”

“Oh, sweetie, how much do you remember?” Penny asked.

Amy didn’t remove her eyes from Sheldon’s slumbering body mere feet away from her as she answered. “I’m not… sure. He panicked, but he… he came back. And then he… he…”

“He did something very brave for you.” Raj interrupted with a sweet, teary voice. Howard elbowed him in the side and their brief scuffle made Amy focus her eyes on them.

“Sheldon asked me to drive him to Bernadette.” Howard clarified eventually. “So she could try and make a new, effective antibiotic to help you fight the MRSA infection.”

“We succeeded.” Bernadette smiled, but then continued with a bitter voice. “But you were very weak. Your kidneys were failing.”

“So,” Leonard spoke up, eager to conclude the story. “My best friend in the world stepped up and selflessly offered his for donation.”

Amy gawked at Leonard in shock. His proud smile didn’t seem to fit to the words he just put together. “H-He did… he d-did what?” Amy lost her breath towards the end of her sentence and could barely whisper.

Leonard’s smile got a little bit softer and he exchanged a warm, heartfelt glance with Penny whose eyes started to shimmer with unshed tears. “It’s true.” Leonard continued. “Sheldon… he went mad with worry for you and when Dr. Moore said you wouldn’t recover without a new kidney…” Leonard paused, apparently still amazed what he was about to say. “He didn’t even hesitate.”

Amy stared at Leonard in utter perplexity. A small voice inside of her cautiously reminded her that she should continue breathing or she would pass out in the next few seconds.

“He gave you a kidney.” Penny said not leaving any room for doubt anymore. She touched Amy’s hand, because she obviously must have looked as if she beamed herself out of this reality.

Amy blinked rapidly and looked down at her body. _A part of Sheldon is inside of me? Can this be true? He gave up a part of his perfectly healthy body… for me?_ Involuntary, Amy turned her head to look over at Sheldon again. But even if her mind had decided that now would be a good time for a panic attack, one look told her that she had more important things to concentrate on.

Amy scrunched up her brows as she noticed that Sheldon’s body was fidgeting. As if he was dreaming, his face twisted in discomfort. “What’s wrong with him?” she exclaimed in alarm, causing all attention to focus to her right.

Her friends flew into frenzy, calling for nurses, getting closer to Sheldon and talking to him. Amy didn’t even realize that she was sitting up in bed until a persistent throbbing on her side made her aware that this position was still too much for her body. Amy ignored the warning.

“He’s still too far under to wake him.” a nurse said. “He has to stop scratching or he will pull at the stitches.” Another one warned and held onto his arm. “We need to calm him down.”

Amy pushed away her blanket. “Help me up.” she said determined to no one in particular.

Raj happened to be the one closest to her. “Amy, you should lay down. You’re in no condition to—“

 _“Help me up!”_ Amy repeated fiercely. She slung her left arm around Raj’s shoulder as he bent down to help her. Howard was at her other side in a flash to take her right hand for support. Amy gritted her teeth so she wouldn’t cry out as the movement pulled roughly at her own stitches.

Bernadette had spotted a wheelchair in the corner of the room and hurried to move it over so Amy could sit down. The nurses protested against the action happening behind them and told everyone to get out and let them work.

But no one listened.

Leonard swiftly took over in holding Sheldon’s right arm secure so he wouldn’t hurt himself while Penny ushered the consternated nurses to the side so Bernadette could wheel Amy right next to Sheldon.

Amy took Sheldon’s left hand, squeezing it tightly. “S-Sheldon. Sheldon, can you hear me? It’s okay, calm down. I’m here. It’s okay.” she said in a small voice. Sheldon’s breaths were deep and fast and he grumbled uneasily. He didn’t seem to be in too much pain, but Amy assumed that his own subconsciousness was telling him that he was uncomfortable in this situation and that he should escape it. Like when he was fighting off a bad dream.

Instinctively, Amy did the only thing she knew would help. With a shivering hand she reached up to stroke his cheek; her voice was trembling as she began to sing, “S-Soft kitty, wa-arm kitty, little ball o-of fur…”

The nurses looked at each other as if Amy just lost her mind. But her friends understood. They didn’t even seem to dare breathing as Amy’s soft, fragile voice carried on through the song, round for round.

Finally, Sheldon’s breathing slowed down and his arms relaxed so Leonard could let him go. When she finished the song Amy had tears in her eyes and one look around the room showed her that she wasn’t the only one. She kissed Sheldon’s hand lightly and continued to hold it in hers. “I’ll wait here until he wakes up.” she said firmly.

* * *

An indefinite time later after his bout of uneasiness, Sheldon awoke and felt distinctly more like a human being. He felt his arms and legs and a soft surface upon which he lay. His left hand was warmer than his right and he sensed pressure all around it. He focused on the pressure and succeeded in giving pressure back. This time the voice he heard was crystal clear.

“Sheldon.”

Amy’s voice was hope-filled and strong. Everything that happened during the last days came back to him even before he managed to open his heavy eyes. But he had to see her for himself; he had to see that this was not a dream, that she was fine.

Amy’s eyes sparkled green with unshed tears. It seemed to be forever since he last saw her with a look this clear, attentive and… healthy.

“Amy.” he whispered, making her tears fall.

She raised his left hand that she held to her mouth, kissing it tenderly and pressing it against her cheek. “Are you okay?” she asked meekly.

He caressed her skin, slowly, meticulously, noticing how rosy her cheek turned. “I am. Of course I am.” he assured her. “Why shouldn’t I be?”

Amy gripped Sheldon’s hand tighter. “I woke up before you and our friends explained to me what happened. But you were still unconscious and feeling unwell. I… I guess… the anesthesia didn’t agree with you.”

“Hmpf.” Sheldon scowled. “Of course it didn’t. Just more proof that you are so much stronger than me.” To Sheldon’s utter horror that sentence made Amy sob, her shoulders shaking her petite form violently. “Amy?” he asked in alarm, propping himself up as best as he could even though his side stung sharply in response. Quickly, he let his eyes roam over her to check for anything that could cause her pain. “Amy, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

She kept sobbing for a bit and eventually found her voice again. “Oh, Sheldon.” she hiccupped. “Don’t you _dare_ say that ever again.”

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“Tha-at… that I’m stronger than you.” she clarified. “Sheldon, what you’ve done for me… all this time… and I’m not only talking about… about giving me your kidney.” She had to pause yet again to find her words. “You prevented my death the first time when you told the doctors that I had anaphylaxis. _You_ overcame your panic, your phobias and your discomfort… _you_ found me a cure for MRSA, a-and on top of that…” She paused again, tears ran down her cheeks as she looked at him in utter amazement. “You gave me your kidney.”

Sheldon could only blink as he slowly registered what she was saying.

“I _never_ want to hear you say again that you’re anything but a strong man, Dr. Cooper.” Amy concluded.

Finally, Sheldon truly realized from what he was waking up. The surgery. Amy needed a new, healthy kidney. And he gave it to her. He saved her. Amy was sitting at his bed in a wheelchair; a blanket huddled around her as if she was sitting there for a while now and refused to go back to bed. She sat there and she talked to him without a breathing mask, without pain. She was fine.

“Amy.” Sheldon trembled as relieved tears quickly filled his own eyes. “You’re fine. You-you’re here and you’re fine. You’re not going t-to… die.” The tears spilled over and he sobbed.

Amy grabbed him by his arms and angled her body as close to him as the wheelchair and her stitches allowed her. Sheldon sank his head so their foreheads barely touched and held her arms in return. “No, I’m not.” Amy whispered. “I’m not dying. Thanks to you, Sheldon. I’m still here with you.”

They stayed for a while in their loose embrace until it became too much of a strain for them. But even after that Amy stared up into the blue pools that were his eyes still at awe. “Thank you, Sheldon.” she said. “Thanks for saving me.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Sheldon protested and wiped a few tears from Amy’s cheek. “I’m going to be your husband. It’s… it’s my duty to care for you and to make you happy. So, please… please, stop crying.”

Amy smiled through her tears. “Oh god, the wedding. Can you imagine what a fuss we made over all this stupid decisions? How ridiculous all of this seems now?” Amy mused.

Sheldon nodded bitterly, remembering and regretting everything he said to her in anger. “About that… I’ve meant to tell you something a long time ago.” Amy frowned briefly and waited for him to continue. “Amy, I—“

Just then the door opened timidly and a blonde woman stuck her head in. “See, I told you I could hear them crying.” Penny declared and opened the door further to let everyone else in behind her. “Oh, Shelly, come here, let me hug you and tell you what a brave, brave man you are.”

What followed then was a never ending series of hugs from everyone and half a dozen kisses from Penny that Sheldon had to endure. He and Amy both didn’t get to say much during all this smothering, but they welcomed it. Relief spread and filled the room with happiness and gratitude; because the waiting and worrying had come to an end at last. And they both were alive.

 _Finally_ … they had pulled through.

Sheldon seriously doubted this outcome and himself more than once during this dreadful time. But now he _knew_ that – for Amy – he could be so much stronger than he and everyone else ever thought.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, guys. I hope you enjoyed reading this story and if you did, please remember to leave a comment below! Thank you! Stay safe and healthy out there! :)

One week later, Amy sat on the edge of Sheldon’s hospital bed, waiting for him to return from the bathroom. Lisa, the young nurse responsible for them, spent the whole morning helping them to shower and get dressed for their final day in the hospital. Leonard and Penny would soon come by to pick them up to return home.

Amy was more than ready.

Bernadette’s wonder antibiotic was packed and Amy had to take it for a few more days until the MRSA bacteria were completely destroyed. She also had to return a few times for the doctors to check how Sheldon’s kidney adapts to her body, but other than that she was fine.

 _Thanks to Sheldon,_ _I’m alive_.

Amy kept repeating those words over and over in her head since she woke up, but it still didn’t really sink in. She just couldn’t believe what he had done for her.

Just then, Lisa opened the bathroom door and helped Sheldon to wobble over to his bed. Amy noticed that he was smiling despite the uneasiness the scar must still cause him and she knew that nobody was more eager to return home than Sheldon. He longed to be back in their clean, secure living space with a lock on the door and only the two of them inside.

“Here you go, Dr. Cooper. All set to go.” Lisa said as she supported her patient to sit down next to Amy. Sheldon clenched his jaw so he wouldn’t wince in pain.

“Thanks, Lisa.” Amy smiled.

“Oh, you’re welcome. I’m glad that you’re finally both feeling much better. Maybe we’ll see each other again when you return for your first check-up.” Lisa said.

They both thanked her again and as the nurse turned to leave the room, Amy reminded herself once more that she had to write a couple thank-you cards for all the hospital staff who helped to save her. Especially Dr. Moore, for risking his job when he authorized Bernadette’s untested medication. She wouldn’t be here without it.

Again, Amy glanced over at Sheldon with unabashed admiration. _But how in the world can I ever thank him for his sacrifice?_

Sheldon noticed her staring and smiled shyly, interlacing his fingers with hers and squeezing them. “Do I guess correctly that you will continue to look at me like that for the foreseeable future?”

Amy grinned. “Oh, you bet, get used to it. You’re my invincible hero, Sheldon Lee Cooper.” He chuckled shyly, leaning over to press a kiss to her temple.

Amy’s stomach fluttered. After all these years of longing for physical contact on his part, it still came as mild shock whenever he did initiate intimacy. Of course, his display of affection came way more natural to him with them engaged and living together, but since he almost lost her more than once over the last several days it definitely packed another powerful boost.

Amy certainly won’t complain. She leaned into him, soaking up that wonderful feeling of being so close to him. “I’m still so… overwhelmed by the fact that _you_ , my meticulous, germaphobic fiancé, willingly accepted to give up all control and let the doctors take something out of your perfectly healthy body.”

“Amy,” Sheldon tutted. “We went over this. I did it because it was the only right thing to do. I love you and I don’t want anything happen to you. Plus, I’m your husband-to-be and I made a promise to take care of you for as long as I live. Are you really that surprised?” He sounded a little hurt towards the end.

“N-No, I mean…” Amy leaned back to look at him again with gratitude. “I… I just don’t know how I could ever properly thank you for this. What you did for me… it’s—“

“Just marry me and we’re even.” Sheldon interrupted her nonchalantly.

This time it was Amy who chuckled. “I will.” she promised, reaching up to cup his cheek and kiss him tenderly. When they parted, Sheldon cracked a joyous smile again.

That’s when Amy remembered something while she thought about their special day and a way to thank Sheldon for his bravery. “Sheldon… when you first woke up from surgery, you meant to tell me something, but we got interrupted by Penny’s shower of affection. It had something to do with our marriage, I think?” Amy guessed.

For a second Sheldon furrowed his brows, but then he remembered. “Oh, yes, of course.” Sheldon said, his eyes lighting up. “I just wanted to tell you… ever since your allergic attack, actually… that it doesn’t matter to me anymore if our wedding ceremony is held indoors or outdoors. It’s a petty thing to fight about. All I truly want is that you, me and our friends are there.” He gripped her hands in both of his. “Amy, I’m going to marry you anytime at any place you wish.”

Amy could tell by the big smile on his face how proud Sheldon was of his declaration. She smiled slyly in return, acting cool. “Oh, you know… actually, I think I’ll dismiss my outdoor wedding idea.”

His face fell comically. “What?” Sheldon exclaimed, staring at Amy in befuddlement. “After we argued about this topic for a whole day, culminating with you ending up in the hospital and almost dying twice? I strongly feel like you deserve to have your wish fulfilled after all of this.”

Amy waved her hand, shaking her head almost mockingly. “Yeah, well… I guess you were right. Too many obstacles one cannot control.”

“Are you sure?” Sheldon prodded still confused. “I want you to have the wedding of your dreams.”

“Exactly.” Amy said. “And I want nothing more than what you want. Just you and me and our friends and family. Everything else doesn’t matter to me.” She grinned. “Besides, could you imagine the disaster if it would rain?!”

Sheldon continued to stare at her, completely lost, but then she winked at him mischievously and he started to laugh. She leaned against his shoulder once he got her joke and giggled with him. “Oh, Amy, you vixen.” He chuckled gleefully.

But then, all of a sudden, a sharp wince escaped his lips and Sheldon reached for his side.

Amy quickly moved away from his shoulder, fearing that she could be the cause for his pain. “Sheldon, are you okay?”

“Yeah. It’s the scar… it itches.” Sheldon said, stroking carefully over his fabric covered right side. He bit his bottom lip, as if he was considering something. “Amy… c-can you… can you look at it with me?” he then asked feebly. “I didn’t dare to… really… take a proper look until now.”

“Of course.” Amy offered willingly and stood up to help Sheldon lifting his shirts.

The scar was long and bent along the curve of his waist. The edges were still angry and red, but a chain of butterfly tapes secured the wound. Amy noticed how the sight made Sheldon rapidly lose a bit of his color and his forehead creased with unease. Quickly, she turned her right side towards him, lifting her own shirt and blouse.

She took his hand so he would look at her. “See…” Amy spoke calmly. “It looks just like my scar.”

Sheldon followed the curve of the eternal remembrance on Amy’s skin with his eyes. Obviously observing how it bent at the exact same shape at the exact same side as his own scar. It must have occurred to him, as well as it did to her, that from now on they’re in more than one way a perfect match.

Sheldon swallowed, squeezing her hand to gain strength to speak. “I hope you’ll never get the crazy idea of leaving me at some point in your future.”

“What?” Amy asked in puzzlement, but Sheldon already continued.

“I’d be literally incomplete without you, Amy Farrah Fowler.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember to leave some comments! :)


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